So when I was in active alcoholism, one thing that I absolutely didn’t have the time to do was to was clean my house. I remember thinking that my house was OK even though I NEVER did any cleaning and it was only when I came to move that I realised what a tip it was. And even then, I was still in a certain amount of denial, thinking that surely everyone’s home was like that? Right?
It was only after getting sober that I realised that most people do take a little pride in their home and they do at least a little bit of housework each week. Their toilet isn’t black under the water line because they never scrubbed it and their kitchen cabinets aren’t literally stuffed with empty vodka bottles that they were too lazy to take to the bottle recycling centre.
Looking back now I can see that I was living in squalor and the alcohol completely blinded me to this fact. I had absolutely no pride in my place or my belongings and I was too arrogant to even see that this was the case. What kind of person doesn’t vacuum their house in six months or leaves the dishes for two weeks? It’s absolutely crazy behaviour and while I was drinking I didn’t think that it was going to be any other way. Even when I realised that I was drinking too much and that my life was beginning to spiral out of control, I still couldn’t see a way out of the madness. This was the point when my mindset changed from arrogance to hopelessness and that’s a very dangerous shift to have to go through.
But as I sit here typing out this post with almost three years of sobriety under my belt, I can look around my little place and take pride in it. It’s not pristine but I can live in it and I’m not too ashamed to let people come over and visit. I know that most people would think that this is all just such a small thing but to an addict it’s huge and that’s why I want to celebrate it on this blog. It’s the little things that make recovery so special and I thank God that I have been given these little miracles.
God had to send me on my little journey to hell and back so that I could be the person that I am today and feel grateful for all of the things I have. He watched over me as I sat in that flat that became a pit and he guided me through to the point where I could get better and start to look after myself and my belongings. Now I feel like I am worthy of a nice place and although material things aren’t all that important it’s nice to know that I can be trusted with them nowadays.
I would love to hear your stories about what God has brought into your life, even if it is something as small and insignificant as the will to do some cleaning. But for now, I have to leave my computer and put on the laundry. And rather than moan about it, I am glad to report that I am thrilled to bits about it!