I sometimes watch the other girls,
Who used to share my year at school.
They glide through life and love
With elegance and gracefulness.
They seem to have this life all sewn up,
They get it in a way that I just don’t.
I’m messy and flawed and I struggle like mad,
To hold it together
In just the simplest of ways.
It’s difficult to hold down the easiest of jobs,
It’s easy to burst into tears when really I shouldn’t.
I can’t seem to act like a grown.
They tell me to pull it together
Like that’s what I wasn’t aiming for anyway.
It’s hard when you fall behind.
Everybody is taken already.
They’re loved up and married,
When you’re single and stony and cold.
They have the house and the car
And the two point four children to boot.
The anger it bubbles inside,
Every time that I scan through their photos,
Poring over the remnants of my life not lived.
I wish that I’d done something differently;
That I’d not had a baby or I’d taken that job.
But then I remember the love that I have.
The love from the people that peg me to the ground.
Not in a bad way, may I add.
They stop me from blowing away in the wind;
From losing my way in a world that is dark,
Where it’s easy to get lost
And where the bruises and knocks
Are violent and ever so frequent.
I remember that I’m not being left behind.
I’m on the path I was meant to be on.
I’m living the life that was designed for me.
It’s comforting and wondrously soft,
Knowing that someone is there in my corner,
A friend for life,
And a torch to guide me,
When I’m worried I’m too far behind.
Do you ever worry that you’re being left behind by the other people that are your age? I have friends who I was at school with and now they are doctors or lawyers. They are so successful it’s like they are not the same species as me.
But I am lucky that I have the foundation that is my faith. I know that the Lord won’t have put me on a path that wasn’t right for me because it was designed and mapped out before I was even born. That is comforting in times when I feel like I’m losing balance or that I have no momentum at all.
I’d love to hear whether others struggle with the same feelings? How do you get over the feelings of envy towards what others have achieved? How do you get over the feelings of self doubt when you think that the reason you are behind is because you are not good enough?
Remember that you are enough and you are always loved. If nobody has told you this today, then this is your daily reminder that you are incredible and you are exactly where you are supposed to be.