He shouted at me today.
Not loud and boisterous words,
But words delivered short and sharp,
Designed to hook their barbs inside my heart.
I don’t blame him though.
It’s hard to shift and change in life,
And being angry’s part and parcel of the slide.
It’s me who needs to handle this with grace and love,
And all the things I never got.
Later on that night
He came to me and held me tight
And in the kitchen, there we stood,
A decision made to heal our wounds,
Rewrite the past that’s caused this pain.
Between us we can start afresh,
Weather the storm that’s not abating,
Surviving the feelings that are inundating.
Words have power but love is stronger
And we’ll stay standing just a little longer.
Today I went to the bus stop to collect my son. He has a long journey because we have recently moved from my parents’ house which is much closer to his school. He has lived in this house since he was a baby and so this change has been hard on him. Add to this the fact that he hasn’t seen his nan in months and now she is starting divorce proceedings; it has led to a very stressful time for both of us.
So, anyway, I went to collect him and when I asked how his day was he snapped at me. It was out of character and it made me go quiet. I feel bad about everything that he has had to go through and see this year and it makes me feel like a terrible mother when I know that he is hurting.
He came to me afterwards and he said he was sorry and we hugged. I want him to feel that he can vent his anger when things are hard because I was never allowed to do this and it’s been really damaging in my adult life.
He’s on his computer now. I have no idea if he’s happy but I have a feeling that there’s a lot of hurt inside. All I can do is love and forgive. He does the same for me when I’m venting.
I hope that this poem can touch a few hearts. I’m sure there are mums out there that have been through a turbulent time and had to shelter their little humans from as much as it as possible. I sometimes just need a cry to get through it and that’s what I’m doing as I sit on the sofa and write this poem. Keep strong if you are struggling, and hug it out when things get super bad. A good hug can fix anything that’s hurting.