the doctor said to try
a little bit of mindfulness.
he said i need to live
in the moment.
not past, nor future, but the present.
i was struggling with that.
my mind would find itself
latching onto memories
and tumbling down into the past.
or pulling on some hiking boots
and climbing up ahead.
so much to think about
in each of these directions.
but hanging from the hillside
in this exact location
was proving rather difficult.
until i ate the chocolate brownie
left inside the fridge at work.
it was not mine to take,
but as i took a tiny bite
i felt my senses slip and slide.
the velvet cocoa was my nook
that kept me sheltered from the storm
that i’d sensed was blowing in.
it gave me strength to hold on tight
and for just a little while
i found myself taking time
to enjoy the view.
I have struggled with the practice of mindfulness even though I know how good it is for us as humans. We live in a fast paced world that could cause even the most stable of people to feel a little wobbly every now and then. So taking some time to live in the moment and forget what has been and what is to come really makes sense to me.
However, this is so much easier said than done. I am such a worrier and sometimes I really just need to remember that at this time I have my health and I have a roof over my head and food in my cupboards. If it all falls to pieces tomorrow, I can worry about it then, but it’s not worth spoiling some really beautiful moments because there’s a possibility something bad might happen in the future. Likewise, I can’t change the past, so why waste energy worrying about what’s happened?
I have found that for me the best way to live in the moment is to really ground myself in experiences using the senses. Recently, I ate a chocolate brownie and it did just the trick. For the few minutes that I was eating it, I thought of nothing else because I just enjoyed the taste. I don’t recommend bingeing on brownies all day but if you can find something to give you a few moments then go for it. Perhaps it is putting some headphones on and listening to ASMR, or getting a massage or going for a run. Whatever it is make sure that you look after yourself and just bring it back to the moment when you are going into panic mode.