He left us when you were so young
Peeling away to reveal
That gaping raw wound in our home.
A home that was trashed with the slamming of a door,
Leaving a mother and son.
But what comes down must also go up,
I think that’s the way the expression goes.
I grabbed him, probably by the scruff of the neck,
And pulled him along at a speed that was slow.
But together we gathered our pace
Rolling along on our rickety track.
There may have been ups and downs
Which I like to call loop the loops.
Soon we will reach the station, and he will leave too,
But this time there won’t be a crash.
No gaping wounds to patch up,
No need to feel like I must catch up
With everyone who raced on ahead
All of those years ago.
He’ll fly away as I watch and wave,
I won’t break this time because I am brave.
I’ve wanted this moment for all of his life,
And I’ll watch him fade away with tears in my eyes
And him on the arm of his beautiful wife.
I don’t know about any other single mums out there, but the moment that I am most looking forward to in my child’s life is the wedding. I can’t wait to be mother of the groom and watch with pride as he marries someone that he loves entirely.
When I was drinking all I wanted to do was make it to that moment before I let the alcohol take me over and kill me. That makes me cry to write because it’s so painful, but it’s the truth.
We’ve had to pull ourselves through all kinds over the years since his dad left us. It really has felt like a rollercoaster, but a good one that’s been more fun than scary.
The parenting journey is so difficult and brilliant all rolled into one. I’ve got a few years left before my Noah goes off to university and then gets married, and I’m going to treasure every moment of it.