As sure as the Titanic will sink
And as sure as it is that Jack will die.
As sure as the princess will marry her prince,
And as sure as the sun will rise in the sky.
So too, is it certain that I will be hurt.
It is impossible to please you
And so I could try to hang on
Or sink like that ship, or rise into view.
Whatever may happen I wish I could change
The way things unfurled like a roll
Of silver screen film, just slightly less easy
Upon my fragile, weak soul.
I’m hurting, I’m dying.
The impossible probability
Is that I’ll just give up trying.
Christmas was hard this year. I missed my mum. I texted her but I got no answer and it hurt more that I can put into words. However, it has made me aware that until I let go, I’m stuck. I have to accept that she is not coming back. She has made her position very clear and although the next few steps that I take are going to be very painful, they are very necessary if I want to begin to heal.
Sometimes the steps forward are the hardest as you tear away from the old and start something new. I see it a little like two sides of a sheet of corrugated cardboard being pulled apart. It is difficult and you will leave parts of yourself behind, still attached to the other side, but you can do it.
If you’re struggling to make that step forward in a part of your life then I know exactly what you are going through. Just remember that it’s not necessarily over forever. Jack may die in the movie, but you can watch it again from the beginning and there he is again. Just give it a while so that the plot is hazy in your mind, the edges are softened a little.
I believe in you and I hope that 2020 can begin to heal some of the wounds that you may have acquired this year.