preservation

I’ve been thinking quite a lot

About the way that I might keep

Something fresh and new.

I’ve watched the love that once we had

Wither over time.

I hoped that there could be a way

To preserve what little’s left.

Maybe I could dry it out,

Rub in salt or stick it in a tin.

Anything to stop this pain,

To stop that love from rotting to the core.

If I can halt the process now,

We’ve got a fighting chance.

But any further down the line

And what we have, it will be done.

Make the choice and make it now,

Before we waste another day,

In this hurtful, hateful way.

Watching my parents go through this difficult break up has made me think about love and the way it changes over time. How can two people go from loving each other to hating each other in a matter of months? It feels like the love has an expiry date and once that date has been reached it begins to rot and quickly.

And even if you do recognise that the rot is setting in, is there anything you can do about it? I’m a strong believer in the power of therapy and talking about problems so perhaps that is the way to stop something from going bad? Whatever the answer is, I don’t think that things can ever go back to the way that they were. I think that even if things get patched up, everything will be fundamentally different. I guess that once something has started to go bad there is no undoing it even if you halt the process.

I just hope that it’s all over soon because its put me off marriage altogether and I’ve even heard my son saying that he never wants to fall in love because he thinks that it will hurt too much. It’s awful that somebody in their early teens is already scared of taking that leap of faith into a relationship.

If you’ve been hurt before or you’re watching somebody else go through the pain of a break up then I hope that it doesn’t completely traumatise you. I hope that you can move on and find the confidence to leap into a new relationship because it is a beautiful thing when it works.

Much Love

Rachel xx

4 thoughts on “preservation

  1. The Anxiety Chronicles

    Hi Rachel, I’m sorry your seeing your parents go through this. I know it’s painful. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. My step father raised me and then him and mom divorced and he also left. There was a lot of leaving and 2 stepfathers. All I did was tell myself I refuse to be in a marriage that fails. I met my husband back in HS. We have been together 20 years (married 13). We are Christian and go to church and the word divorce has never been in our vocabulary. We don’t even acknowledge it. We have had our ups and downs but have learned over the years how to better communicate and be forgiving. I also have done therapy alone for my anxiety and have learned to be more open and honest which has helped in my marriage as well. I hope that you and your son can look past the hurt and realize that not all marriages end in divorce or with spouses hating one another. If you don’t like what marriage looks like now, just be sure to make it different for yourself. Hope you get through this difficult time. Xo

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