She pressed her palm to the window
And watched him potter in the garden.
Something moved inside her chest;
A jolt of pain, she thought.
What she did know was that it was caused by him.
She watched intently as he potted plants and cut the grass.
It looked like quite the idyllic Sunday afternoon,
With golden rays of shimmery light
Bathing every plant and every tree in warmth.
It should be framed inside a watercolour painting,
For everyone to see and to enjoy.
But underneath that technicolor surface,
The tranquil peace is far from being still.
A pebble has been thrown with force
And now the chaos ripples out with devastating ease.
She turns away in pain and love, a complicated mix,
And tells herself that nothing’s ever perfect.
Marriage never can be smooth, once the doors are closed.
It’s messy and it’s nothing but a tricky balancing act.
She’s sure he’s seething as he slices through the lawn,
She’ll give them time to both cool off,
And when the stillness is restored,
They can try this all again.
I was watching a programme today and one of the characters asked “Are all families like this?” and the other nodded sadly. I think that realisation can be both a heavy one to bear and quite liberating at the same time.
It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that nothing is ever going to be perfect. When we are kids we have this fantasies about marrying the love of our lives and living happily ever after in our beautiful houses and never arguing or losing a job or getting divorced.
And then we become an adult and realise that none of that is true. I drank a lot to suppress this because I still wanted to live in my fantasy world. Getting sober has meant that I have had to face these disappointments head on and it’s been hard.
I guess that what I wanted to say in this poem is that relationships and whole lives can look perfect on the outside, but normally there are little disturbances always rumbling away underneath, away from sight.
But don’t give up just because something has gone wrong. You can have an argument or a mishap at work and come back from it. This was something that I didn’t understand when I was drinking. I thought that I just had to throw the towel in as soon as something went wrong.
I hope that if you are going through a tough time with something, that you find the strength to fight through it and save the situation. Never make yourself miserable, but remember that some things are worth saving and pain does fade.