Once upon a time there was a baby born
And before she could walk
There was a spell that was cast;
A curse of sorts.
For although she could feel with impeccable ease,
Her boundaries were stolen
And so her freedom was ceased.
She couldn’t say ‘no’ to a single soul
And soon she was lost,
In a swirling black vortex, in a bottomless hole.
She hoped that one day she’d be given a rope
To help her begin to claw her way out.
But for now she feels hopeless
With no dashing young prince
Galloping through forests
To save her from death.
The curse of no boundaries isn’t fixed by such notions.
A kiss or a pill or a magical potion
Won’t help her to grow a skin that is thick.
The rope that you throw her
Will find its way round her beautiful neck,
Because this dear damsel is really just sick.
I’ve pushed it too far and now I am suffering. I know that I’ have trouble saying no because I think that people will hate me if I do. I think it comes from my days as a child where I was told by my mother that if I didn’t live up to expectations then she would stop talking to me. When I was a teenager she once stopped talking to me for a month. I had blocked a lot of these memories out but during therapy I was told that this is neglect and is most definitely behind some of my weird behaviours as an adult.
This week I said yes to overtime when I knew that it was too much and now I have crumbled and let everyone down. It’s a familiar cycle that I want to break and I feel a bit pathetic in not being able to do so. I have turned off my phone so that the world can’t reach me and all I want to do is hide in my flat.
I empathise with you if you are struggling to say no. Don’t be an idiot like me because now I’m in a bit of hot water. Look after yourself and set boundaries that will protect you from going through this. It’s something that I’m going to have to work on, but at least I have an awareness now. I just have to grow a pair and do the painful bit of the process.
Love and light,