coward

They describe it as yellow

But that feels too sunny

Because this is a dark and lifeless emotion

It barricades out all of the love

And what is a life lived behind the glass plate

Never to know what it could be like

To sing alongside the love of my life

In a smoke laden bar

Where nobody listens

As they patiently nurse

Their precious real ale.

But we wouldn’t care as we finally touch

Skin to skin as voices lace together

And the prison is gone.

I have been single for so long and I know that the main reason is because I’m a coward. I don’t say this because I hate myself, but because I know that I run on fear and a lot of it is because of the way that I was brought up.

I was taught that if I wasn’t perfect, I was not worthy of love and this fear has followed me into adulthood. I’m so worried that if I let my guard down a partner will see my flaws and completely reject me.

It’s all because I’m a coward and that is dark; it’s not yellow.

If you are struggling with the fear of letting down your barriers, I completely understand. Being vulnerable is so hard but I know that it’s fragile. It’s made of glass and once it’s been smashed through, life becomes easier. The first step is always the hardest, so take it.

Much Love

Rachel xx

5 thoughts on “coward

  1. Woodsy

    To be vulnerable enough to risk the hurt…
    to acknowledge and embrace the dark and the fear…
    to be fragile
    and brave enough to share the truth of that honestly, and still reach out to others who struggle with the same –

    that’s beautiful and precious.

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