is this real love

My T-shirt clung to sticky skin

As the sun would melt all it hit.

Inside the concrete garden space

We sat playing card games and laughing at nothing,

Spurred on by the fog of wine

And the shouts of angry players

Of darts and snooker and barroom brawls.

My heart was buoyed upon the humid air,

Love surely taking root?

So when that fateful blow came down,

The heart’s sheer plummet took me by surprise.

Ever tried to poker face

When the air has left your lungs?

When you’re kicking, clawing for the ropes

And icy water’s pouring in,

Filling lungs like little buckets,

Buckets that cannot be bailed.

That’s the slow and painful death

That greets a broken heart.

To you it’s just your toes in a luke warm paddling pool,

For me it’s something dark and cruel,

It’s something you could never comprehend.

I don’t know if any of you have been on a blind date or met someone for a date from the internet recently? If you have and you are a bit of a sensitive soul then you may have been in for a rude awakening.

Internet dating is fabulous if you are a lover of getting out there and meeting loads of people. But if you’re like me, it can be a real struggle just to find the courage to go on one date. And then if that date goes badly or they let you down quite abruptly, it can be heartbreaking.

I used to think that there was something wrong with me. Perhaps I was too soft or too clingy, one of those crazy stalkers who gets attached after one date. But now I realise it’s just that I feel things so intensely, and there are a lot of people out there that are just like me.

I did do on a couple of dates with someone a few months ago and I thought things were going amazing until he let me down over a game of cards in a pub garden. It was a hot afternoon but I suddenly felt so cold and ashamed when he said he didn’t want to see me again.

I haven’t been able to gather the courage to have another go, but I am becoming aware that perhaps internet dating isn’t the best option for somebody who feels like they are a bad person if they are not loved instantly.

I didn’t want to moan, but I hope that this resonates with somebody out there, who is also finding themselves to be a bit too sensitive for the rough and tumble of modern life. If you are feeling that way then perhaps we could date each other. We may not be compatible but we’d end up staying together forever out of fear of hurting each other. That sounds like an excellent basis for a long and happy relationship.

Much Love

Rachel xx

2 thoughts on “is this real love

  1. live_a_life_less_ordinary

    For me, Internet dating has been pretty consistently bad. And I don’t know if it’s the Internet itself or just the things people are looking for today. It seems like mostly I get ignored after the first date, if I don’t get stood up entirely. In five years off and on using certain dating sites, I only twice got as far as still talking to someone after the second date. One was someone who we went out several times over a period of about three weeks, then she ambushed me with a conversation about long term commitments, and when I said I didn’t feel ready to talk about this after only three weeks, she accused me of being secretly gay. The other was someone who was more interested in me than I was in her, and letting her down was really painful, although we stayed friends for a while and are still on good terms. It seems like women my age around here are looking to settle down and hop into bed quickly. They’ve been through long-term relationships and/or marriages before, they know what they want, and they expect a man who knows what he wants and is ready to go for it. That man is not me.

  2. potatosandwich

    Talking to friends I realise how hard internet dating can be. If you have tried it a few times with say different people then re running the same questions to find a common ground can feel like ground hog day.

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