slowing it right down

The brain is quite mechanical,

All made up of turning cogs

That clink and clunk as thoughts pass through.

Sadness slows the churning down

But happy news can send it into overdrive.

The pieces start to let off smoke

And with no help they’re known to jam.

There is a way to slow it down,

It takes some effort on my part

But take a breath and fill my lungs,

It’s like a smudge of oily grease

On overworked and rusty parts.

It slows the thoughts that run away

And eases painful broken hearts.

When I first got sober somebody told me that it’s easy to get complacent and find yourself relapsing because of a happy event. After all, I didn’t just drink when I was sad; I also loved to drink to celebrate birthdays, holidays, graduations and…… well, Tuesdays.

I don’t think that I’m at any risk of relapsing at the moment but I have received some happy news today and I can already feel myself getting a little bit overexcited, and it’s at times like these that I need to be at least a bit careful.

The happy news is that I have an interview for my teaching job on Thursday! I’m so happy, but I can also feel myself wishing away the time before now and then. And that’s dangerous for someone like me. I need to live in the moment and appreciate each moment.

I have found that CBT techniques can help and I know to practice my breathing work when I start to get a bit carried away. I do feel a bit like my brain is a machine and it can become a bit like an overheating car engine when I get excited about something.

For now, I’m just doing all the things I love to keep myself distracted and enjoying as many moments as I can. And if you’re in a similar situation and wishing time away, just slow down. You’ll get there in God’s time.

Much Love

Rachel xx

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