I used to see a long conveyor belt

Of girls that looked a lot like me.

Machines would churn us out and even though

My eyes were brown and hers were blue

We had to be the same in how we act,

In how we dream and how we love.

Deviate at your peril for

We’ll make you feel uncomfortable

If you dare to be unique

And so I’m baffled every time

I see a clone break from the mould.

It shocks and shakes

Me to the core.

We are all reacting to the lockdown differently and I have to admit that it’s freaking me out a little bit. It seems that for the first time ever I am falling into the calm and collected category. I never thought that I would see that day!

I always feel like we are expected to conform to some artificial norm that is completely at odds to me and the things that I want from life. And somehow lockdown has made me feel more comfortable than I did in the old world.

I really noticed the difference in how we are reacting last night when I was watching Kati Morton on Youtube. When I was going through some bad times I turned to her videos to help me through. She is a licensed therapist and she always seemed so together. I was envious of her together-ness.

But this video revealed just how unbalanced she feels in this new normal that we live in. It was strange because I wanted to comfort her and tell her to chill out and just go with it. There is something about this situation that I seem to be able to deal with better than others, when normally I’m a wreck.

I decided to write this because I don’t know whether I feel this way because I’m becoming a stronger person, or because the work I do as a recovering alcoholic is helpful, or just because lockdown is agreeable to introverts?

I have no idea, it could be a mix of all of these factors. I do hope that others are coping OK and if you are struggling I think it’s worth keeping in mind that we are all unsure what the future holds and for once we have very little control over it. I suggest that instead of engaging in that tug of war, you just drop the rope, lie down on the grass and watch the clouds.

Wishing you love and light,

Rachel xx