Thank you for contacting us,

Your email has gone into a rather long queue.

It will probably never be read by a human,

Truth be told, we don’t really care about you.

We should get back within five working days,

Although we just say that and we rarely actually do.

And don’t bother ringing us to follow up,

Our operators aren’t trained and don’t have a clue.

We hope this has been helpful, and remember,

The first of the month your fees are due.