Standing in the toilet cubicle
My sleeve clenched tightly between my teeth
In the hope that the scream that’s boiling up
In my throat, ready to escape,
I hope to God, it won’t make it out.
I’m embarrassed, face burning, eyes stinging
And wishing that I could run across the great expanse
Of concrete to my car, my place that’s safe
With child locks on so no one claws their way inside.
It sounds quite desperate, doesn’t it?
When really I could break it down,
One small cube, held up to the light
Can look quite beautiful, like a little jewel
And not the mountain I am crying over.
Anyone else ever considered doing a runner from work? When everything is getting so on top of you, that running across the car park and never coming back is preferable to facing that mountain of problems that has built up?
I am ashamed to say that I’ve actually done it. I didn’t run, but I did casually sashay out of the office, get in my car and then speed away without looking backwards. And it’s all because I let things build up until it’s just too much to deal with.
I don’t want this blog to become a self help manual but I know that writing down my own advice will help me, because it always helps to write down my own pearls of wisdom. I might then actually start acting on it!
I found myself getting that feeling of being overwhelmed today. I’m starting a course and I need to get a tonne of paperwork sorted which is enough to induce a panic attack in itself. But I had let it all build up to the point where I couldn’t see the top of that mountain.
And you know how I’ve started to fix it? I’ve started to write a list and tick two things off a day, so I’ve already got rid of two this evening. And that is my really rubbish and really obvious advice. Write a bloody list!!!
Can you believe that took about three grand’s worth of therapy and there I am giving it to you for free. You are welcome, and I hope you have a wonderful evening.