holding in the crying

We traipsed through luscious woods

Dripping with the pearly greens

Of sodden leaves and cracking twigs.

He wants to know the reason why

I’m silent as we walk far deeper in

Where sounds are muffled in the leaves.

He wants to know the reason why we’re here.

It is to let it out, the scream that’s building there.

I cannot burst the pressured seal

Until I’m safe, ensconced within the trees.

He shakes as sound escapes from lips

And echoes through the branching wood.

He’s never heard this piercing noise,

It’s frightening for us both.

But when I’m done, we take each other’s hands

And walk back to the life we left behind.

I am working with the 4 and 5 year olds in year R at the moment and I absolutely love watching their quirks. Today, a little girl had a spat with one of her classmates and instead of kicking and screaming she screwed up her face and grimaced as though she was in pain and holding it all in.

She calmed down really quickly but it made me think about my own childhood and how it has followed through into my adult life. I was always told not to make a noise and I would never dare have thrown a tantrum when I was a child.

It’s continued into my adult life and last year after months of bad behaviour from my mum I lost it and a scream just escaped from my body. It was piercing and loud and mum and my son just froze with the the shock as I had never screamed, ever.

I’m sure everyone has had those moments where you can feel anger or fear or frustration building up and you know that you are going to blow. That feeling that you need to go to the middle of the forest and just let it out must me universal to humans. Am I right? I hope I’m right.

I just hope that little girl is OK and that her parents allow her to express her emotions in a healthy way, because if they don’t their daughter might turn out like me, and that would be disastrous…..

Much Love

Rachel xx

9 thoughts on “holding in the crying

  1. crispina kemp

    I envy those who express their anger and frustrations at the time. Like you, I’m a hoarder. And the explosion when it comes can rip my world, forever changed.

      1. crispina kemp

        I’ve had a few I’ve walked out on after just a couple of days… of the job doesn’t suit… would we stick to any other relationship?

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