i was too scared to close my eyes

beautiful waving sea splashing on shore

I knew to slip away would be

The easiest thing I’d done for months.

After fighting tooth and nail to grasp at shreds

Of silken life that fluttered in a summer breeze,

Letting go seemed natural, the simplest thing to do.

But taking up that final step

Of closing eyes and letting Death take me by the hand;

That is where I stumble in the hope

That those around my bed may come

Along that final route with me,

Despite the fact I love them so.

I have a colleague who had to rush home last week because a family member was slipping away. Sadly, she passed and it’s got me thinking about death. I struggle with death, as I’m sure most people do, and when someone in my circle passes, I really find it difficult to comprehend.

The ‘funny’ thing is that it’s not always the people who are closest to me that affect me the most. I find that it’s things that are said and done in those final moments that stick with me, no matter who they come from.

One of the things that affected me the most was another colleague who lost her mother. They knew that the end was near and as the time passed the mother became scared to close her eyes to sleep because she was worried that it would be the last time that she saw her family.

This broke my heart and terrified me all at the same time.

I think I put myself in people’s shoes too easily and it made my skin crawl to think that I could close my eyes and never see my family again. It’s funny how death can make you say the most thought provoking things. Death comes to us all and yet none of us are ever ready.

Stay safe and love each other as much as you can,

Rachel xx

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