We’ve known each other for a nanosecond

And yet I’m tethered

Bound to you until I’m lying

On a deathbed made for me

And I will call you to my mind

In photographic detail

I’m not obsessed

You just reached into my heart

And found a home I didn’t know

There’d ever be the space to grow.

So, I think I have a bit of a problem when it comes to falling in love with people. I don’t mean romantic, stalker-ish love; I mean the kind of love where I wish that a person could be in my life forever, as a BFF.

I knew this was a problem of mine a long time ago but it was really amplified today. I’ve been doing some support work in my local school during lock down and I have been in with the four and five year olds.

I was kind of dreading it before I started as I thought they were too young for me to get along with. But in the three weeks that I have been with my little bubble, I have absolutely fallen in love with them.

I didn’t realise quite how deeply I had fallen for them until this afternoon when I was faced with saying goodbye to them for the last time before I move on to a new school.

I found myself nearly crying as they left and I really had to hold it in because the teacher who had been with them for an entire year was fine! Three weeks, and I was an absolute mess!

I think that this has taught me that I need to look at how I connect with people in the future. It explains a lot in terms of my past relationships with friends and colleagues. I have put them on pedestals and then when they have let me down they have also come crashing down, and that is heartbreaking to deal with.

As I go into my new schools I’m going to work on not getting so attached to the students. I know it’s only because I care, but I can’t go through that kind of heartbreak every time a year group moves on. I’ll be having a nervous breakdown after a couple of years if I continue like that.

Is there anyone else out there that falls for people like I do? As I say, it’s never romantic as I haven’t fallen in love in that way in over a decade. I just get so deeply attached that I just can’t let go.

Much Love

Rachel xx