
It’s hard when you see the finish line,
Not to feel the stomach tighten
And wish for time to turn so quick
That utter joy will fall upon you
In an instant, and not in days
Or months, or years; it’s now.
I have a real tendency to wish my life away. When something really exciting is about to happen, I just want it to happen right now. I cannot bear the thought of waiting. And while I am waiting, I spend all of my time fantasising about how wonderful my life will be when it does happen.
In recovery circles this is called projecting and I am a master of it. I find that I very rarely live in the present, which it is so important to try to do. I always find myself excited or nervous about the future, or mulling over something I have done wrong in the past.
Since getting sober I have really tried my best to get out of this pattern of thinking and I slowly feel it working. It’s still hard though, and I just wanted to put it out into the world that I’ve had almost four years practice and it’s still tough.
Tomorrow, I’m going to my first induction day ready to start my teacher training in September. It’s so exciting and I’m really looking forward to it. But past Rachel would have almost burnt out before she reached the day because she was just too bloody desperate for it to just happen so that her life could be perfect.
Now I have learnt that a teaching job is going to make my life perfect. It might bring in a bit more money and it might offer some more job satisfaction, but it won’t get rid of the bad days. Only a belief in myself can do that.
So, on the eve of my next adventure in life, I am telling myself not to get too carried away, to live in the moment and to enjoy the story that is about to unfold; bad bits and all.
Much Love
Rachel xx
crispina kemp
I used to be like that. Now my focus is on every day. Maybe because I fill every day with good and exciting things
patientandkindlove
Every day has to have something nice contained in it, even a very small thing is ok.
crispina kemp
Yea 🙂
nickreeves
Punk on.
Ace.
xo
patientandkindlove
Thanks x
erroneouschoices
I developed a metaphor for bad days, bad times, the ebb and flow of life, like an ocean ebb and flow. (I’m sure that metaphor didn’t originate with me 😂)
But it helps to know there is always and ebb, bad days, and always a flow, good times. It’s simply the way of life.
Good post 🙂
patientandkindlove
It’s true, you can’t enjoy the good without going through some bad
juliadeniro
I’m a lot like that too. I know how you feel.
Nick
Patient & Kind there is no requirement to be perfect. The best thing to be is to just be you.