Furtively, I slip into the car, start the engine

And peer out into the street

Looking for the curtain twitchers and the gossips

Waiting for the chance to bitch and moan

About the way that I behave, the way I carry on.

I’d like to say that I don’t care,

But actually it hurts to know that what I do

May cause an upturned nose

And nasty words to cross the garden walls.

I’m taking a risk tomorrow and I’m going to a theme park. I am told that the park has put in lots of precautions to make the whole experience safe, but that doesn’t stop the worry. I mean, a theme park must be a hotbed for germs at the best of times, so I’m struggling to see how it can be any better with even half the number of people there.

But it’s not just my safety that I worry about. I also care very deeply about what other people think. My son is desperate to get out to a theme park and he has been left alone in a flat for months while I work two jobs. I think he deserves a treat.

However, I saw how all of those people that went to the beach a couple of weeks ago were judged, and I’m worried that the same kind of disdain will be heaped on me.

I’m looking forward to getting further than ten miles from home for the first time in months, but I have so many negative thoughts buzzing around my head and that is quite sad. I just wish we could go back to the way it was.

I hope that you are enjoying the sun and getting further afield than you have over the previous few months. I’m sure there are people reading this who do feel I’m being selfish and I do feel really guilty about that. But I am going to bite the bullet and go and I hope that I can really enjoy myself and have something to laugh and smile about joyously. We need it desperately.

Much Love

Rachel xx