i expected it to be….ummm….a little bit longer

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He fell for her the moment that he saw

Her red dress that matched her lips

And the way she laughed at a joke

He knew wasn’t funny.

For her it took years

Of sleeping beside him and staring

At the ceiling at night, wondering

If he was the one.

I’ve been having a little think about love recently, particularly how we fall in love. I’m a long time singleton and although I’m happy in that I sometimes wonder how I’m supposed to make that leap.

Do you fall in love in an instant? Or is it a slow building of trust and love? The logical part of me understands that to a certain extent it is a blend of the two, but there must be a spark somewhere, mustn’t there?

I’m starting to worry that maybe I’m a person with no spark that anyone can see. I hope it’s not the case but I could be intolerably dull, or really offensive, or maybe I smell really bad.

I think a lot of the problem for me is that I’m scared and it makes me hesitant, and I think that men can detect that. I think if I’m to have a hope in hell of having ‘that spark’ I’m going to have to let go and take the leap.

I have also spent a long time feeling like my life will be something out of a romcom and I will eventually fall in love with my best boy mate who I’ve been friends with for years. The only problem there is that I don’t like to leave the house for anything other than work so I don’t really have any boy mates.

Oh well, I’m sure someone will come into the petrol station where I work, order a flat white, and realise that I’m the one. And then maybe we can be friends for a decade so that I don’t get scared away, of course.

How have you all fallen in love? I love both long and short engagement stories, either way, it takes guts to make the commitment.

Much Love

Rachel xx

4 thoughts on “i expected it to be….ummm….a little bit longer

  1. crispina kemp

    So many times what your write finds resonance with me. This too. So let me answer you from my own experience.
    There are a lot of false guises: wish fulfilment, projection, hormonal, desperation. Believe them the truth at your peril for you’ll waste your years on them.
    The real one begins with the recognition of a connection that forces both parties to interact, and to ask questions, to get to know each other; it starts with a tentative friendship that deepens rapidly to a love that rules the entire being. It is scary. It demands you change, to set aside your preconceptions. To open, be honest, be true. None of it easy for persons like me and for you.
    Don’t despair that this person will appear. But don’t go looking either. Just be you, fully, naturally you. And that reality of you will shine through the world… and it’ll happen for you.
    But, like me, you might have a very long wait.

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