I’m soft and insignificant, easily worked
Into a shape that fits your world.
I won’t push back, resistance isn’t me.
I’m like a dough that’s stretched and pulled
And hammered down into a base
That’s topped with things that others want
With no concern for what I need.
Oh dear, I’m having a bit of a wobble. I’m stuck between two warring parents and I’m not going to be able to please either of them. I’m back to being that little girl that has no power of her own, she’s only here on this earth to please these two people.
At the moment mum won’t speak to me because she says that I’ve taken dad’s side and dad’s getting angry with me because I won’t sell my flat to keep hold of the home I grew up in.
It may seem a silly choice but I’m comfortable here and I know that I can afford to pay for it. I have horrible memories of that house now and if anything happens to him, I’m left with a house that I’m not sure I can afford.
I am desperately trying to find my voice so that I can be heard, but every time I raise it I’m told that I’m either evil or being ridiculous. Am I just a stupid little girl, or is my stupid choice a valid one?
I’ve lost one parent without even trying (she’s the one who thinks that I’m a devil worshipper because I go to recovery meetings where people are allowed to pray to a God of their understanding, rather than a Christian God), I don’t know if I can lose another one.
My heart hurts.