talking about death is really hard

angelic statue and sunset scenery
Photo by Ellie Burgin on

She touched the fabric of his shirt

As he slipped away to who knows where

In a shallow breath and a foggy stare.

She touched the fabric so that she knew he had been there,

He wasn’t just some trick of the mind

Their story really mattered, it really existed

Those memories of the kisses, births and parties too.

It was a happy book, written in their name

But still, it was hard to not know where he was,

It was frightening to stand with toes curled over

The edge of the gaping abyss

And not know where the bottom may be,

If there is a bottom anywhere at all?

I went to the solicitor’s office with my dad to get his will signed this week, and the effect that it had on me was quite profound. I really felt bent out of shape as we left, having thought properly about the fact that my dad could leave me at any time.

I think most humans try to avoid thinking about death because it’s enough to drive you crazy, but when you do finally sit down and consider it, it’s terrifying.

For those that are left behind, we don’t know if we’ll see that person again. And for the person facing death, there is that fear of nothingness.

I believe that we must go somewhere. I’m a Christian but even if I strip away any biblical teachings, I don’t believe that a soul and all the memories that we store up in a life time can just vanish in a moment.

It is the uncertainty that is the real kicker. And, of course, there is always the chance that I could go first. Life is so fragile and my trip to the solicitor reminded me of that, which can only be a good thing.

Enjoy it while you have it.

Much Love

Rachel xx

5 thoughts on “talking about death is really hard

  1. crispina kemp

    Tears ago I faced what to me seemed certain death. Interesting the thoughts that whizzed through my mind. No fear. Only that now I would know the answer. But as you can see, it was a false alarm. And I still have no fear of death, only of the pain and indignity of dying

      1. crispina kemp

        I’m not sure the lack of fear is due to any particular belief in what happens next.
        I thihnk it’s comes down to lack of hope. When all hope is gone, we accept, and with acceptance comes calmness. This is almost Buddhism. All life is suffering, Suffering is caused by desire. And hope is desire.
        Therefore the last item in in Pandora’s Box/Jar (hope) should be seen as a curse, not a blessing,, for it works against acceptance and life without acceptance is hell.
        Sorry, heavy philosophy here. 🙂

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