The pressure chamber squashes minds

And also squashes shining lights

That started with the best intentions

And now they peel away to dark and gloomy places

Where their dreams will shrivel up

Because those stresses proved too much.

I feel like I’m internally screaming most of the time at the moment. Yesterday it was because nothing seems to go right and today it is because of outside pressures.

In case you didn’t know, I’m in my first week on teacher training and we have had a colossal amount of paperwork and reading dropped on us. It’s been a bit of a shock to the system and I feel like my head is imploding!

That said, the reason that I have started training is because I’m sober now and I have a whole array of tools that I can use to deal with the stress.

Ultimately, I know that the people who are running the course have our best interest at heart and so they want to see us pass. I know that making a mistake or asking a silly question is not going to get me into trouble.

When I was drinking I sincerely believed that if I made a mistake people would be willing to kill me for it. It sounds funny to write now, but at the time it was quite terrifying.

So, yes, I am screaming inside and I almost cried on my way home, but I’m going to be OK. I’m like a little fish that always tried to swim against the current and now I’ve learnt to swim with the river.

I hope you can do the same too.

Much Love

Rachel xx