wobbling on the edge of the precipice

cave with hole at the top photo
Photo by Martins Krastins on Pexels.com

It’s dark down there, as I’m hovering on the edge,

And I want to lean and stare right in,

Like chicken on the railway lines,

The danger seems exciting now

But who can tell what lies below.

I keep feeling like I’m wobbling on the edge of the precipice and I’m determined not to fall in this time. I’ve been on the edge so many times so I know all too well how miserable the fall can be.

This time around I’m using everything I’ve learnt in sobriety to make sure I don’t fall. I’m stressed but I know that people want to get me through this course. Before I would have obsessed over the weird look my mentor gave me a 11:27am two Thursdays ago. I would be convinced she wants me to fail and I’d have eventually cracked.

It could be terrifying when it happened but I know to back away from the hole now. It might be enticing to look over the edge but a slip is not worth it. And now I know that there is nobody there wanting to intentionally push me over the edge!

I am finding that I’m not getting the tight chest that I used to get when I was stressed. And I know when to put things down. If a form or an essay is getting too much I put it down, if only for an hour or two.

If you are struggling with work loads at the moment I can feel your pain. I hope things get better, particularly if your like me and you’re new. It can be such an uncomfortable time when you don’t know people well enough to lean on them, so I’m sending you lots of positive thoughts.

Much Love

Rachel xx

5 thoughts on “wobbling on the edge of the precipice

  1. crispina kemp

    I remember a time in my life when I felt out of control, like life was whizzing me round. I imagined myself on an old fashion record-player, spinning in the groves of a 45. And it came to me that change doesn’t happen when we’re safely close to the centre. Change happens when we’re precariously close to the edge.
    Perhaps that imagery will help you too.
    Yes, I did accept the change that was coming, embraced it, and returned to the safe centre. Now, without saying more, I think I’ve spun off to the edge again. Exhilarating, isn’t it.
    As ever, I wish you well…

      1. crispina kemp

        If it was all ups? Nothing to compare it with.
        I knew a fella with bipolar. He hated his meds. He said, Fine, so no more deep depressions. But no ups either.

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