Those faces

Those eyes, hollowed out

And so distracting as I bounce

Try to entertain

And make them love the words

That spurred me on each day.

I stood up in front of a class for the first time and it was absolutely terrifying. By the time I released the students from my room, I felt like crying. In my head it had gone pretty awful.

I had made the mistake of thinking that I would instantly be the most entertaining, and most loved, teacher that had ever existed. However, I was doing my activity with a group of sixteen year olds on a Friday afternoon.

I looked up from what I was reading and just saw boredom written all over their faces. And my head immediately started to catastrophize the situation.

I instantly let myself think that they hated me. Then I lost my train of thought because I panicked and I just felt like my wheels fell off.

But once they had gone, I sat down with my mentor and she pointed out all the good things I did. The task was completed, despite stumbling over trying to define communism! The students did engage and answer my questions and nobody died!

Now, looking back I realise that it was OK. I was just focusing on the very worst bits. Now, I look at the students when other teachers are delivering lessons and they look bored for them too. Apparently that’s just what sixteen year olds look like!

So, I guess I just wanted to say that you should always look on the bright side of life. You’re probably doing a lot better than you think. And everyone else is making the same mistakes anyway.

Just keep on swimming.

Much Love

Rachel xx