on not being the best at taking criticism

photo of woman covering her face
Photo by Eternal Happiness on Pexels.com

The sting of tears prickle at eyes

As words hit home,

That I’m not the best,

I’m not the most perfect.

There’s still so much work to be done

And it hurts like hell

To hear critical words

That spear through my flesh

Regardless of the fact

That they were said with love.

I’ve always known that I’m pretty bad at taking criticism. I don’t mean that I kick off and get defensive; I actually mean that I take it to heart and then go and cry in the toilets.

I’ve realised after a lot of therapy that it could stem from my childhood. If I wasn’t perfect my mum would literally withhold her love from me for weeks at a time. I knew that if I made a mistake I was unlovable.

That’s all great that I understand that now, but it is still really hard to get past the pain that I feel when I receive criticism. I’m in my thirties and I didn’t do anything about my emotional issues until very recently so that’s a lot of time to form solid habits. Undoing that will take years.

And being a student teacher means that I will be receiving a lot of criticism over the next year, so I really have to develop a thick skin, and quick!

Today I was told that I ploughed on with my teaching despite the fact that some kids were misbehaving. In truth, I didn’t even notice them, I was so busy running through all of the things I need to remember while teaching.

But I felt that familiar pang of hurt when I was told that I had done ‘bad’. I gave myself a good talking to so that I didn’t have to go and cry in the toilets, but the hurt was still there.

I’m making it though. I’m not panicking. I’m not getting chest pains. I know I can do this. And I’m super proud of myself for getting to this point. I hope that you are fighting your way through negative comments too, and using them for good to improve yourself.

Much Love

Rachel xx

8 thoughts on “on not being the best at taking criticism

  1. TheHiddenEdge

    Hey you! I still beat myself up when I receive feedback regardless of its stance. They are only their’s and our thoughts … (just worth bearing in mind). I no longer dwell.

  2. crispina kemp

    I think you’re fantastic. And to reach your 30s and still have childhood baggage, that’s nothing. We all carry it with us in varying degrees, only trying to resolve it when it blocks us in what we most desperately want. And many people don’t even do that, and they don’t realise the cause and the source.
    So go pin a gold star on your chest. You’re way ahead of most folks.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.