The sting of tears prickle at eyes
As words hit home,
That I’m not the best,
I’m not the most perfect.
There’s still so much work to be done
And it hurts like hell
To hear critical words
That spear through my flesh
Regardless of the fact
That they were said with love.
I’ve always known that I’m pretty bad at taking criticism. I don’t mean that I kick off and get defensive; I actually mean that I take it to heart and then go and cry in the toilets.
I’ve realised after a lot of therapy that it could stem from my childhood. If I wasn’t perfect my mum would literally withhold her love from me for weeks at a time. I knew that if I made a mistake I was unlovable.
That’s all great that I understand that now, but it is still really hard to get past the pain that I feel when I receive criticism. I’m in my thirties and I didn’t do anything about my emotional issues until very recently so that’s a lot of time to form solid habits. Undoing that will take years.
And being a student teacher means that I will be receiving a lot of criticism over the next year, so I really have to develop a thick skin, and quick!
Today I was told that I ploughed on with my teaching despite the fact that some kids were misbehaving. In truth, I didn’t even notice them, I was so busy running through all of the things I need to remember while teaching.
But I felt that familiar pang of hurt when I was told that I had done ‘bad’. I gave myself a good talking to so that I didn’t have to go and cry in the toilets, but the hurt was still there.
I’m making it though. I’m not panicking. I’m not getting chest pains. I know I can do this. And I’m super proud of myself for getting to this point. I hope that you are fighting your way through negative comments too, and using them for good to improve yourself.