The sting of tears prickle at eyes
As words hit home,
That I’m not the best,
I’m not the most perfect.
There’s still so much work to be done
And it hurts like hell
To hear critical words
That spear through my flesh
Regardless of the fact
That they were said with love.
I’ve always known that I’m pretty bad at taking criticism. I don’t mean that I kick off and get defensive; I actually mean that I take it to heart and then go and cry in the toilets.
I’ve realised after a lot of therapy that it could stem from my childhood. If I wasn’t perfect my mum would literally withhold her love from me for weeks at a time. I knew that if I made a mistake I was unlovable.
That’s all great that I understand that now, but it is still really hard to get past the pain that I feel when I receive criticism. I’m in my thirties and I didn’t do anything about my emotional issues until very recently so that’s a lot of time to form solid habits. Undoing that will take years.
And being a student teacher means that I will be receiving a lot of criticism over the next year, so I really have to develop a thick skin, and quick!
Today I was told that I ploughed on with my teaching despite the fact that some kids were misbehaving. In truth, I didn’t even notice them, I was so busy running through all of the things I need to remember while teaching.
But I felt that familiar pang of hurt when I was told that I had done ‘bad’. I gave myself a good talking to so that I didn’t have to go and cry in the toilets, but the hurt was still there.
I’m making it though. I’m not panicking. I’m not getting chest pains. I know I can do this. And I’m super proud of myself for getting to this point. I hope that you are fighting your way through negative comments too, and using them for good to improve yourself.
Much Love
Rachel xx
TheHiddenEdge
Hey you! I still beat myself up when I receive feedback regardless of its stance. They are only their’s and our thoughts … (just worth bearing in mind). I no longer dwell.
patientandkindlove
That’s the best way to be. I know this criticism comes from a good place but I just need to work on my own reactions to these things
Greg Dennison
Hang in there. Whoever told you that probably had the same kind of moments early in his/her career.
patientandkindlove
Most of the criticism I’m getting at the moment is given to genuinely make me a better teacher. It still stings though…
Greg Dennison
Very true.
crispina kemp
I think you’re fantastic. And to reach your 30s and still have childhood baggage, that’s nothing. We all carry it with us in varying degrees, only trying to resolve it when it blocks us in what we most desperately want. And many people don’t even do that, and they don’t realise the cause and the source.
So go pin a gold star on your chest. You’re way ahead of most folks.
patientandkindlove
Aw, that’s so sweet. I know what you mean though, I think a stint in therapy should be mandatory for everyone. We learn so much when we start to unpick all that stuff.
crispina kemp
Life forced me to unpick mine.