are you f**king serious?!

dry rose flower next to broken heart shaped cookie
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Hate hurts, it burns,

And you take me for a chump.

It’s the way you must think of me

That stings the most.

You insult my intelligence

After a life (I thought) of love.

So much for that,

It was all for show

But I won’t take this lying down.

I am furious at the moment. My mother has crossed a line that I can’t really forgive her for. I know that things are raw, but sometimes, in the moment, it’s hard to see past the injustice and the bad behaviour and the utter idiocy.

I’ve written about it many times before, but my parents are going through a divorce and my mother has completely turned on me. Now she is making absolutely ludicrous demands in the divorce process and I’m so worried about my dad losing everything.

There is a whole back story and I don’t want to air my dirty laundry online, but I do want to write about the feelings that I’m having. The intensity of them. The confusion I feel at this happening.

I have always known that divorces are painful to go through and it’s horrible to see my parents go through this at this point in their lives. But I feel like I want to scream. And I’m surprised at the brazen cheek of some solicitors. Some of the suggestions they make, in favour of their clients, are so ridiculous I don’t know how they have the nerve to send out the letters.

This whole thing has made me question love. It’s made me question my faith. It’s made me question my entire existence because my mum has basically said she wants nothing to do with me. Am I so hateful? Really?

I’ve learnt to work through this kind of thing, but it still hurts and all of those difficult questions are rattling around my brain.

If you are going through a break up then I totally understand what you are feeling. I’m sending you my love and I hope that you can hang on to your strength and your dignity and the things that rightfully belong to you.

Much Love

Rachel xx

19 thoughts on “are you f**king serious?!

  1. Nick

    Adults do not always behave like adults, or at least not as adults as we would expect. And this can be no less true of families. Stay true to your own morals and principles whilst other adults, even when its those you love, sort themselves out so that they are in a better place to love you.

      1. Nick

        You’re not sticking your oar in. You’re keeping to your principles, which others should respect.

  2. Samantha

    I am so sorry to read this. Break-ups can bring up the worst in people and family above everyone else always knows how to get to us most.
    Take good care of yourself. I hope you’ll find a little piece of quiet soon to recharge yourself.

    And whatever your mother shoutd at you at this point, don’t forget is days more about her than about you. You are not a hateful person because someone else makes you feel that way. Not even if that person is kin to you.

  3. Mike

    Sorry to hear that is happening to you šŸ™ Parents *should* always be the more mature ones in that relationship, but as Nick said, nothing about getting older guarantees becoming more mature.

      1. Mike

        Iā€™m not sure there is lasting relief in retribution, but I do hope you will be able to move on from the relationship, should it remain toxic. Thank you for your honest writing!

  4. š‘¹š’š‘©š‘°š‘µ šŸŒ‹

    Really sorry to hear this šŸ’™. I myself haven’t been in contact with my parents or 2 of my brothers for almost 2 years now. Which is way longer than I’ve ever gone without contact, but it was necessary after some traumatic situations with them. Anyways I remember the feelings I had during that acute trauma, it was a very lonely time. Just got to keep talking to people and focusing on the small day-to-day things as much as possible, looking after yourself.

  5. crispina kemp

    Hey, Rachel, one person a world does not make. And often/usually during a divorce folks don’t see things as they should. The process is painful for all involved, and pain distorts our feelings, you know that.
    Stay self-focused. You’re doing so well, don’t blow it now.

    1. patientandkindlove

      So true, feelings can make us spin out of control. I’ve experienced that myself so I can’t really be too angry with someone who is obviously in pain. I just wish she would accept help.

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