Hate hurts, it burns,
And you take me for a chump.
It’s the way you must think of me
That stings the most.
You insult my intelligence
After a life (I thought) of love.
So much for that,
It was all for show
But I won’t take this lying down.
I am furious at the moment. My mother has crossed a line that I can’t really forgive her for. I know that things are raw, but sometimes, in the moment, it’s hard to see past the injustice and the bad behaviour and the utter idiocy.
I’ve written about it many times before, but my parents are going through a divorce and my mother has completely turned on me. Now she is making absolutely ludicrous demands in the divorce process and I’m so worried about my dad losing everything.
There is a whole back story and I don’t want to air my dirty laundry online, but I do want to write about the feelings that I’m having. The intensity of them. The confusion I feel at this happening.
I have always known that divorces are painful to go through and it’s horrible to see my parents go through this at this point in their lives. But I feel like I want to scream. And I’m surprised at the brazen cheek of some solicitors. Some of the suggestions they make, in favour of their clients, are so ridiculous I don’t know how they have the nerve to send out the letters.
This whole thing has made me question love. It’s made me question my faith. It’s made me question my entire existence because my mum has basically said she wants nothing to do with me. Am I so hateful? Really?
I’ve learnt to work through this kind of thing, but it still hurts and all of those difficult questions are rattling around my brain.
If you are going through a break up then I totally understand what you are feeling. I’m sending you my love and I hope that you can hang on to your strength and your dignity and the things that rightfully belong to you.
Much Love
Rachel xx
Recuperation
Hope everything gets well soon .Sending you my love ā¤ļøā¤ļø and hugs.Take care.
patientandkindlove
We’ll get there. It’s not even my issue to worry about but it’s so hard not to feel anything….
Nick
Adults do not always behave like adults, or at least not as adults as we would expect. And this can be no less true of families. Stay true to your own morals and principles whilst other adults, even when its those you love, sort themselves out so that they are in a better place to love you.
patientandkindlove
So true. Every time I stick my oar in I regret it, but biting your tongue can be such a struggle when you care so much.
Nick
You’re not sticking your oar in. You’re keeping to your principles, which others should respect.
Samantha
I am so sorry to read this. Break-ups can bring up the worst in people and family above everyone else always knows how to get to us most.
Take good care of yourself. I hope you’ll find a little piece of quiet soon to recharge yourself.
And whatever your mother shoutd at you at this point, don’t forget is days more about her than about you. You are not a hateful person because someone else makes you feel that way. Not even if that person is kin to you.
patientandkindlove
I hope that she doesn’t really hate me and that when the dust settles we can get back to the close relationship that we used to have. Thank you for your kind words x
Samantha
Patience is key, I think. In the mean time, don’t let her words get to you too much.
Mike
Sorry to hear that is happening to you š Parents *should* always be the more mature ones in that relationship, but as Nick said, nothing about getting older guarantees becoming more mature.
patientandkindlove
It does feel like she has become this childish version of the person she used to be. It hurts but I hope that I’ll get her back one day.
Mike
Iām not sure there is lasting relief in retribution, but I do hope you will be able to move on from the relationship, should it remain toxic. Thank you for your honest writing!
š¹šš©š°šµ š
Really sorry to hear this š. I myself haven’t been in contact with my parents or 2 of my brothers for almost 2 years now. Which is way longer than I’ve ever gone without contact, but it was necessary after some traumatic situations with them. Anyways I remember the feelings I had during that acute trauma, it was a very lonely time. Just got to keep talking to people and focusing on the small day-to-day things as much as possible, looking after yourself.
patientandkindlove
I’m sorry that you went through something like that. Family members can hurt us so much, whether they mean to or not x
š¹šš©š°šµ š
Thank you š. Yes, it’s true. And more common in ‘neurodivergent’ families or families with autism or autistic traits.
crispina kemp
Hey, Rachel, one person a world does not make. And often/usually during a divorce folks don’t see things as they should. The process is painful for all involved, and pain distorts our feelings, you know that.
Stay self-focused. You’re doing so well, don’t blow it now.
patientandkindlove
So true, feelings can make us spin out of control. I’ve experienced that myself so I can’t really be too angry with someone who is obviously in pain. I just wish she would accept help.
crispina kemp
Be there when she’s ready. But don’t hold your breath.
Jim Stewart
About love: read Thich Hanh
patientandkindlove
I will do!