I’ve always felt a little less,
A little fake,
And not quite worthy of
A life I see in books and films
Where grown ups live their perfect lives,
A place that’s always out of reach.
I’ve always felt a bit like an impostor and it’s cost me dearly throughout my life. Every time I try and do something that could make my dreams come true and give me a more ‘grown up’ life, I somehow self sabotage and destroy it all.
This time I seem to be doing a little bit better even though the teacher training is really stressful. It has kind of felt like I’m a student again as I’ve just sat in lessons. It was my comfortable spot and I haven’t felt like I’m gasping for air.
However, today something happened that made me feel like a proper grown up and I bristled with pride as it played out. It may not sound like a big thing but I was handed a red pen and a WELL DONE stamp and told to mark my Yr 7’s work.
I look back to four years ago when I was on the floor, always in tears, unable to function and I feel so proud. I’m actually marking work!!!!!
It’s just the little things that do this, but I am so glad that I have them in my life. I’m sure I’ll be hating marking within a couple of months, but for now I will enjoy the things that I once thought would never be possible.