when you feel like a failure but your hands are tied

Us on a slightly better day at a theme park

The cable ties are much too tight,

The ones that bind my wrists as one

And force my frame to stoop and frown.

I want to stay upbeat and high

But circumstance will always play

A role in how I feel about my life.

So, I’m going to bang on about my dental problems again, but I promise that there is a moral behind this story! The pain has been getting worse and worse and the temporary filling that the dentist out in has fallen out so I’m at risk of getting another infection if I don’t get it seen to.

I phoned them this morning and they wanted me to wait to see the specialist in four months! I did a bit of begging and I eventually got an appointment tomorrow. That’s great, but it’s half term and I’d booked tickets to take Noah to the theme park.

We are theme park aficionados and all of the scare mazes are set up at the moment so Noah was super excited about going. However, with the COVID restrictions on numbers, we had to book our places…..and now there are no more spaces available.

It’s another case of mother’s guilt which I’m sure so many people suffer from. My hands are tied as my tooth is killing me, but I also don’t want to let the offspring down. And because this is me that we’re talking about, I really do take it out on myself. I can easily go down that rabbit hole where it is all my fault and I’m just an evil person.

I must say that I am so lucky to have the son I do as I told him what had happened and rather than throw a hissy fit, he just shrugged it off and said that it’s best I get my tooth looked after. I sometimes wonder what I have done to deserve a human that is so nice.

Really, I just need to man the fuck up and realise that life happens and we all face dilemmas that can be uncomfortable to deal with. But, that won’t stop me chewing over it for the rest of tonight and unfortunately I’m not in a position where I can indulge in a Gin and Tonic.

Stay safe folks,

Rachel xx

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