She stands in 50’s clothes
With one roast chicken, whole,
Balanced in her hands,
Her head just tilted to one side,
Questioning the look I have
Plastered on my face.
It’s far from natural, this change in mood,
From dark and cloudy
To a perfect housewife with
A beaming perma-smile.
I just watched Revolutionary Road with Kate Winslet and Leonardo Di Caprio. There was a scene in it where they have had a massive fight and the two of them are in a huge emotional mess. But when the morning comes, Leo’s character comes downstairs and she just asks him how he wants his eggs for breakfast.
She is perfectly made up and calm and the model 1950’s housewife. It’s really quite creepy, but I think that it felt more so, for me, because it reminded me so much of my mother.
Whenever she fell out with one of us she would disappear or not talk to us for weeks and then one day we would come down to breakfast and everything would be back to normal. She wouldn’t talk about what had been wrong and we were expected to just play along.
Normally I was too frightened to ask what had happened, so I would just not talk about it either. It was the most unhealthy way to deal with problems, but I went along with it out of fear.
Later in life, when I finally went to therapy I would speak about those moments and I would refer to them as ‘roast chicken moments’. They were the moments when mum would return to being a Stepford wife and we’d just pretend that it was fine.
Watching the film reminded me of this and it brought me chills. It was made worse because I think we’re meant to think that it’s unnatural and yet I felt like that kind of behaviour was normal until I was well into my thirties.
It got even worse because *spoiler alert* she ends up killing herself and that was always what I was terrified of when my mum would disappear. I was so worried that she would die and everyone at the funeral would tell me how bad I was because my mother had killed herself because of me.
Now that’s so dark, I think I’d better leave it there. I suppose I should be thankful that I at least now know that it’s definitely not normal!
Much Love
Rachel xx
Bon Repos Gites
🙂
David Green
That is so sad! My youngest brother took his life back in 2003 and we all still miss him.
patientandkindlove
I’m so sorry, I know it’s hard when you have to live with something so devastating hanging over your head.
David Green
Thank you! It took me a long time but i eventually learned to live with it. Come to think of it I’ve had lots of practice – several years before my brothers suicide my dad passed away at the age of 55 or 56 from an Hepatitis C infection given to him by his second wife. After my dad’s third wife left him number two showed up on his doorstep with her daughter he’d adopted while they were married. She convinced my dad to take her back and never told him she was a carrier less than two years after they broke up my dad died. Right after we buried my dad i was told her infection went active.
crispina kemp
My mother had similar behaviour. She wouldn’t say a word. but wold put on her coat and walk out. In time we learned she’d be back before bedtime. No one ever knew where she went. Guess she just went to walk it off. Unfortunately it left me with a relationship behaviour pattern. Instead of sorting a problem, I’d walk out. I’ve broken so many relationships that way. But not any more.
patientandkindlove
That sounds so famliar. I thought it was normal until I started going to therapy!
crispina kemp
I thought it normal until it was pointed out to me that I was doing the same.
In one relationship the fella pinned a tenner on the door to pay for the taxi every time I stormed out