When Life with the dreadful capital L

Heaps on the careful demands of the day

I don’t run into action with rifles and bombs,

I just stand in the trenches, waiting for death,

My heart in my mouth as I watch people burn,

In glory or pain, I’m never quite sure.

All that I know with the heaviest of hearts

Is I’ll never be seeing them ever again

Unless it’s on the front of a newspaper page.

I believe that life is made up of so many opportunities, and I also believe that I have probably let so many slip through my fingers. Watching Revolutionary Road last night, I heard one of the characters say that we have five or six of these life changing opportunities and most of us let them go and then wonder why we’re sitting in a life that we hate when we’re old and ready for the grave.

I can probably agree with a lot of that, but I also know that when I’m overwhelmed, I have a tendency to just freeze and I wonder how many opportunities I have lost through that? I certainly know that I’ve got myself into trouble with my freezing before.

At the moment, I have this essay and then a lot of lesson planning on my plate. It’s not too much for me to cope with but my head keeps telling me that it is and so I find myself sitting on the sofa, just staring at the wall. I’m not even doing something that I enjoy instead; I’m just wasting the time away.

Meanwhile, I feel like the rest of my cohort are running over the top and into the fire. Of course, they may be running away from safety, but surely it’s worth running to see where I end up? There may well be something amazing on the other side of that wall of fire, and I’ve just been too scared to run through and have a look.

I’ve decided that if I freeze, from now on, I’ll just start writing. So this might be a load of drivel, but at least it’s got me up and doing something. I just need to make the move so that I’m actually doing the thing I’m supposed to be doing!

Much Love,

Rachel xx