today i boiled 62 kettles and now i feel like a monster

a pot on a portable gas burner stove
Photo by Luke Barky on

Attenborough’s warned us, time and time again,

About the ice caps melting into seas

And animals are vanishing with terrifying ease.

But am I doing anything to help?

Or am I just a drain on oil and air?

Or am I just too worried for

A future I can’t help or change?

I was told the other day that Googling one question wakes up so many servers around the world that I am effectively using the same amount of energy that I would use if I were to boil six kettles. I don’t know how true that is, but it rings true and it’s terrified me.

I’m one of those worriers that tries to ride her bike when she can, I turn off the heating in the afternoon and I turn off lights when I leave the room. It’s all very little things but it’s because I really do care about what state the planet will be in when I hand it over to the next generation.

I am also a worrier in the very worst sense. I worry that the NHS is going to collapse, so I try not to go to the doctor. I worry that my boss doesn’t like me so I won’t complain about the shift I have been given. I worry that I’ll get arrested if a policeman looks into my eyes and sees how horrible I am, so I keep my eyes down.

It’s all very paranoid behaviour, but I’ve lived like this for so long that it’s quite hard to stop it. And now, thanks to the numpty that told me that stupid fact, I’m feeling too scared to Google the symptoms that I’m too scared to go to the doctor about.

Anyone else a chronic worrier? Sorry if I’ve now made you panic about your internet use. I guess we’re all going to have to cycle to the library so that we can use those things called books.

Much Love

Rachel xx

8 thoughts on “today i boiled 62 kettles and now i feel like a monster

  1. crispina kemp

    No, I’m not. I don’t bury my head, either. I just refuse to be panicked and scared by dubious media. I’d rather check out the facts first. They seldom measure up to what we’re told. That’s not to be a denier. It’s just refusing to accept the hyped-up facts

    1. patientandkindlove

      I know, I’m terrible for hearing something (no matter how dubious) and then hanging onto it. I’ve made myself quite ill at times but I’ve gotten so much better over the years…thankfully!

  2. 𝑹𝒐𝑩𝑰𝑵 🌋

    “Google says it spends about 0.0003 kWh of energy on an average search query, translating to roughly 0.2g of carbon dioxide.”

    “Google search consumes the same amount of energy as turning on a 60W light bulb for about 17 seconds.”

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