when friends just seem to fall away

instant photo of three women drinking
Photo by Inga Seliverstova on Pexels.com

They’re always still there,

Lurking away in shadowy coves,

Appearing in photos

With arms flung round shoulders,

Smiles all abound.

And you wonder how so

You weren’t invited,

Do they hate you so much?

I have friends from school that I don’t speak to anymore. Not out of choice. I would love to hang out with them and be included in those smiling photos on Facebook. I’d have loved to have been a bridesmaid at their weddings and been at the first birthday parties of their children.

But I kind of screwed up and so I don’t see them anymore. They wouldn’t want to hang out with the girl who used to get so drunk she’d black out. And it doesn’t matter that I’ve sorted myself out. The damage has already been done.

For a long time I blamed them and thought they were horrible for not letting me join in on their fun. But I’ve learned that it is the price that I’ve paid for my drinking. I’ve learned that I have to take responsibility for the things that I have done.

Every so often I see a photo pop up and I wish things could be different. I miss them, but now I don’t hate them. I wish them well and I live the life that I have been given now.

I hope that you don’t have to feel left out at any point, but I know that it is part of being a human. We’ll all be OK, it just really hurts sometimes.

Much Love

Rachel xx

3 thoughts on “when friends just seem to fall away

  1. crispina kemp

    I know how you’re feeling. I lost the entirety of my friends when I was (13 yrs) ill with ME/CFS. Which tells you they were fair-weather friends. Now my closest friends are in America, Canada, parts of Britain other than close. With the exception of one I haven’t met them face to face. Yet they’re there for me in a way those fair-weather friends never were.

    1. patientandkindlove

      It’s lovely when you know that you have people around you that will stay. I think that in my case my behaviour played a big part in them leaving. I needed to do a lot of work on myself!!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.