They’re always still there,

Lurking away in shadowy coves,

Appearing in photos

With arms flung round shoulders,

Smiles all abound.

And you wonder how so

You weren’t invited,

Do they hate you so much?

I have friends from school that I don’t speak to anymore. Not out of choice. I would love to hang out with them and be included in those smiling photos on Facebook. I’d have loved to have been a bridesmaid at their weddings and been at the first birthday parties of their children.

But I kind of screwed up and so I don’t see them anymore. They wouldn’t want to hang out with the girl who used to get so drunk she’d black out. And it doesn’t matter that I’ve sorted myself out. The damage has already been done.

For a long time I blamed them and thought they were horrible for not letting me join in on their fun. But I’ve learned that it is the price that I’ve paid for my drinking. I’ve learned that I have to take responsibility for the things that I have done.

Every so often I see a photo pop up and I wish things could be different. I miss them, but now I don’t hate them. I wish them well and I live the life that I have been given now.

I hope that you don’t have to feel left out at any point, but I know that it is part of being a human. We’ll all be OK, it just really hurts sometimes.

Much Love

Rachel xx