i may well be catastrophizing

fire hell inferno flame
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

It’s one huge ball of fire

That’s burnt up in my face,

Singeing eyebrows, burning noses,

Warning me to stay away.

And yet I’ll wade right in.

I have no choice,

Despite the heat that pushes back.

I have my first official observation tomorrow and I’ve suddenly come over all funny. I literally feel like I’m watching myself on a TV screen, the nerves have become so severe.

I have always had this problem. When I was a kid and I swam competitively, I used to vomit with fear. I doubt I’ll vomit tomorrow, but I worry that I’ll freeze, which is the thing that seems to happen in my adult life.

I know that the students I teach will be great and I have enough material to keep me going for the entire lesson, so what can go wrong?

I need to calm the fuck down.

I’ll probably be writing that it all went great and I’m feeling on top of the world by tomorrow evening. But for now, I’ll revel in my own misery and make myself feel like the sky is about to fall in on me.

I hope you have a lovely evening, because mine’s going to be a little bit crap.

Much Love

Rachel xx

14 thoughts on “i may well be catastrophizing

  1. clcouch123

    If I may suggest, do what you know to do professionally and humanly. Don’t worry about perfection. Clearly, you care about teaching and about quality. I believe they will come through.

  2. NeriSiren

    I am a master at catastrophizing. Also, mind reading, polarized thinking, jumping to conclusions…most of them, actually. Iā€™m glad, at least, that I know the words for these things now, because I can catch myself more often when Iā€™m doing them.

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