There was a time when twenty-four hours was too much,
When the sweet taste of chardonnay made life worth living
And the guilt and shame that always followed
Was a price I was sadly willing to pay.
Today I celebrate four years of sobriety. I’m lucky that I never got to the point where I lost my child or my home. I did lose my job but things could have been a lot worse.
However, that doesn’t take anything away from the horrors that any addict has to go through before they feel the need to seek help. The shame of raising your hand and admitting a problem is too much to bear for many.
I reached a point where my anxiety got so bad that I was suffering with psychotic episodes. I was convinced that I was evil and that all of the bad things in the world were my fault. It sounds ridiculous, but it was the sad truth.
I still have moments where I think that people hate me, but I’m learning that a lot of the time I’m simply misreading the situation. My brain is sick and I need to be careful with what I let in there.
My brain may be a little wonky, but I’m in control now. Things have been up and down since getting sober (it hasn’t fixed all my problems, funnily enough), but I can deal with those peaks and troughs so much more calmly now.
Getting sober is the best thing that I’ve ever done. It’s been hard, but worth it. If you’re struggling, I urge you to consider quitting. It could take years to feel better but you will. I promise.