I’m drifting from the bank and yet my oars
Are snapped and sunken to the bed.
I’ll never make it back but I
Can hope that someone kind will reach across
And hold my hand before I tip
Over edges of the falls,
The rushing rapids I must face
Before I reach the finish line.
I am in a bit of a situation at the moment. I’ve been left to do a lesson on something that I have never done before and I’ve had very little help. I literally had a PowerPoint sent to me tonight with the expectation of teaching a GCSE class tomorrow.
I have no resources, no videos, I’ve not even been told how much of the lesson I’m expected to take. And I feel a little bit like I’ve been cast out adrift with no paddle.
It’s a bit scary as it’s a difficult class and they are Year 10 so they could eat me alive, and that’s not me being dramatic.
I’m sure that I’m worrying about nothing but it kind of annoys me when a lot is expected of you and you haven’t really been given the tools to deal with it. The main problem is that when I was drinking I would kick up a big fuss and make a drama out of it and it always ended really badly.
Now I’m sober, the last thing I want to do is cause all that trouble, but the worries that caused my bad behaviour are still there, bubbling away underneath a calm facade.
It’s a line that I still haven’t found and I think I’m still going to make a lot of mistakes in trying to find where it is. At the moment, I’m drowning in worry without piping up about it. One day I’ll know what to do; I just wish that I had the life manual that everyone else seems to have!