The world is tilting at an ugly angle,
I want to right myself but still
The room will spin and I will lose
All sense of up and sense of down.
I just want to get off this scary ride.
Have you ever been on a rollercoaster and only realised that you can’t go through with the ride when the seatbelt is down and there is no going back? That’s kind of what a conversation with my mother feels like.
Last year she spent the summer locking me out of the house, scaring my son to the point where we had to take him to the hospital and making up stories about me stealing from her.
I had to get in contact with her because she has my degree certificates at the house and she has started with this serene act where she is making out that I’ve made it all up. I think this is called gaslighting, but I might have mixed that up with something?
Anyway, this behaviour has made me feel physically dizzy and I was wanting to know if any science-y people could explain that. The lies have tilted my world and I can’t concentrate and I actually feel like I’m about to fall over (specifically to the left). Is there some science behind this?
I really don’t know what to do though. She is my mother but this behaviour is beyond me and it’s hurting my mental health. Should I just cut my losses and say that’s the end of our relationship or will I regret that one day?
Nobody can answer some of these questions but it feels right to ponder them out loud in the hope that the world can echo back with some sort of answer.