The world is tilting at an ugly angle,
I want to right myself but still
The room will spin and I will lose
All sense of up and sense of down.
I just want to get off this scary ride.
Have you ever been on a rollercoaster and only realised that you can’t go through with the ride when the seatbelt is down and there is no going back? That’s kind of what a conversation with my mother feels like.
Last year she spent the summer locking me out of the house, scaring my son to the point where we had to take him to the hospital and making up stories about me stealing from her.
I had to get in contact with her because she has my degree certificates at the house and she has started with this serene act where she is making out that I’ve made it all up. I think this is called gaslighting, but I might have mixed that up with something?
Anyway, this behaviour has made me feel physically dizzy and I was wanting to know if any science-y people could explain that. The lies have tilted my world and I can’t concentrate and I actually feel like I’m about to fall over (specifically to the left). Is there some science behind this?
I really don’t know what to do though. She is my mother but this behaviour is beyond me and it’s hurting my mental health. Should I just cut my losses and say that’s the end of our relationship or will I regret that one day?
Nobody can answer some of these questions but it feels right to ponder them out loud in the hope that the world can echo back with some sort of answer.
Much Love
Rachel
Halbarbera
Mom could be gaslighting, just being nasty or in the early stages of dementia? A dizzy lol!
patientandkindlove
Lord knows what is going on with her, but it has caused me so much dizziness!
David Green
Yes it is indeed called Gaslighting!
patientandkindlove
It feels horrendous. I grew up thinking that I was evil, but this year has really helped me to break free.
David Green
I too grew up with a lot of negative messages so that i actually thought i was ugly and that something was wrong with me. Those messages continued on into adulthood until i finely realized the problem was never me but them. Now i cherish my differences and concentrate on just being me without worrying about what anyone else thinks about me. 🤓⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙
clcouch123
In order to have a relationship with my father, I had to stop being so angry. I had to step back and come up with an acceptable list of things to say or do with him. That made a civil, distanced relationship possible. Not what I’d like to have, son to father, but something or else there would be nothing. Nothing would have been possible, and I also had to decide that I could live with that.
patientandkindlove
I think that’s exactly how it’ll be with my mum. I want a relationship but I realise that I need to be distanced to keep myself safe.
clcouch123
Yes, I have been lied to in the room or in other ways. And it has made me feel sick.
crispina kemp
I understand your physical reaction. I’ve suffered the same when someone was outright lying about me.
Only you knows what’s best to do. For myself, my relationship with my mother only really improved with she died.
patientandkindlove
That’s very sad. I hope that my relationship with my mum becomes workable at some point. I just need to keep myself safe. My mental health is the most important thing to maintain.
crispina kemp
It is indeed. It’s not a selfish thing to look after yourself. It is essential.