The flames aren’t lapping at my feet,
The planes aren’t crashing into rooms
Filled with kids who scream in fear.
No. In fact it’s rather pleasant
This world that I create
Inside my haven, my heavenly room to teach.
I have this thing where I think that I’m doing really badly as I lead a lesson. In my head, everything’s going wrong, I can’t find the resources that I need so I’m scratching around for bits of paper, and I’m stumbling over my words.
I was also told that if I were to film myself, I might not enjoy the experience because I’ll be able to see all of my flaws (and, of course, nobody likes the sound of their own voice).
However, I had to record a lesson today so that I can be assessed by my tutor. I was dreading it, but I did it anyway and this evening I sat down and had a look at what a mess I was in front of my Year 8’s.
But the funny thing was that it actually showed me that I’m not that bad. I’m not really stumbling; I’m just concentrating so hard on the few times that I do stumble that I forget about the remaining two hours that are word perfect.
I’m nice to my class, I laugh with them, I have them all quiet so I can’t be too boring! All in all, I’m much better than I thought I was. The exercise that was supposed to make me question myself has actually given me a bit of confidence.
I’m not that bad. I can do this. And I need to be proud of how much I’ve improved in such a short space of time.
I hope that you are feeling confident in something at the moment. Even if it’s just knowing that you can do the cryptic crossword in the newspaper. You deserve a pat on the back!