Little cracks can splinter through the whole,

They let in light and breeze that chills

And faith can filter through those streaks

That mar the edges of the vase I sculpt.

I want that faith, like air into the lungs,

Like rich nutritious food to build,

I need it even when its light is weak,

One day it will be filling up my life again.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m going through a bit of a tough time with my faith. I haven’t turned my back on it but the way my mother has behaved since she has become a Christian has made me feel suspicious of the church. I’ve been hurt and I think that it’s a natural reaction to shy away when that happens.

The funny thing is that every time I’m feeling a real hatred over everything that has happened, those are the times that the light finds its way into my life.

For instance, I’ll be feeling so sad and angry about my mum all day and then I’ll watch Strictly Come Dancing and a Lauren Daigle song will be played. This is a popular prime time show and they choose a worship song to dance the Viennese Waltz to.

I think that’s amazing, that Rescue should be played when I really feel I need rescuing.

And when I’m running and feeling angry at the world, it’s then that somebody runs past me the other way and smiles and tells me I’m doing an excellent job. They’re like little gifts that are sent my way when I need them the most.

I think that everyone needs to stumble in their faith at times. I am hoping that the struggles I have at the moment will only lead to a stronger faith. Because I need it. I need that love back in my life.

Much Love

Rachel xx