I can see inside that mind or yours,
The way it ticks and plots my death,
My slow and painful unbecoming now
Apparent to the world at large.
You haven’t told me that it’s what you plan,
I’m just a lucky one, a reader of your minds,
I see it all and know how much
You hate and wish to see me dead.
I’m sure that there are loads of mind readers out there. You may be one yourself. You may be the type of person that just knows what other people are thinking without them uttering a word. I suppose it’s body language or one of those heavy silences; whatever it is it’s powerful stuff, because I really start to believe the shit that I make up.
I’m writing today from a tiny little office that I’ve cooped myself up in because I’m scared. All I want is to be taken out of circulation because I am scared. And I don’t mind admitting that now, because understanding my issues and saying them out loud are what help me most.
Four years ago I had a breakdown and I thought that the people who I was working with wanted me dead. I was so self absorbed that I thought the end of every conversation that I caught was about me. Every time the room went quiet it was because people hated me. Every time there was a disaster it was because of me.
And I knew that people thought badly of me because I would read into their silences. I didn’t give a crap whether they had a bad day and were just quiet because they were stewing over what had happened a few minutes before I had walked in. In my mind, their silence was because they hated me. Obviously.
I’m better now, but the point is that I still have these overwhelming feelings when somebody is abnormally quiet around me, or gives me a strange look, or slams a book down too heavily for my liking.
It’s hard to be this sensitive and that’s why I’m hiding right now. But I’m also remembering all the things that could be going wrong in other peoples’ lives and I know that it’s not all about me. Fortunately.
Much Love
Rachel xx
BINNZYtheWRITER
I feel this. Good luck with the journey, and happy you’ve come out of the experience for the better
patientandkindlove
It’s a constant battle but at least I recognise those flaws nowadays.
BINNZYtheWRITER
And thats massive progress
katiemiafrederick
SMiLes Patient And Kind
If i Leave The Light on in
The (A) Bathroom More
Than 15 Seconds
She Yells Turn It
Off Now For
31 Years Yet
i Understand
She Is Raised
Without Light
So i Always
Just
SMile
And Do
It This is
A Main Reason
Relationships
Last
When
Light
Understands
Dark Breathes too
For There Is
No Way
For
Dark
To See Light…
Same Way
i See ‘Trump
Voters’ For
All Of What
‘That
MeMe
TheMe’
Eternally
Now Breathes
And To Be
Clear Not
Everyone
Who Votes
For ‘Trump’
Just
Those
Not
Able
To See Light…
Patient And
Kind i Continue
To Try To
Turn
A
Light
On For ‘Them’…
Not Unlike
Motel 6
It’s Up
To Them
To See
The (A)
Welcome
Sign 6 All Lit Up 💫
patientandkindlove
I love this!
katiemiafrederick
Thanks for
The Inspiration
Patient And
Kind
With
SMiLes☺️
katiemiafrederick
😁🙌😊
crispina kemp
Oh, sweet Rachel, I was married to someone like this. And I’d bang my head against the wall trying to convince him that he wasn’t that important at all.
What, to believe he was in everyone’s thoughts? Isn’t that pure megalomania?
You know it. You’re through it. What you have now are little hiccups, is all.
patientandkindlove
I know, I always joke that it’s my world and everyone else just lives in it! In my mind I am at the centre of everbody’s thoughts every moment of their waking day.
crispina kemp
You’re not alone in that. It’s how our minds work
Halbarbera
Quoth Humpty Dumpty Trump instead!