Such a brittle, fragile thing
That masquerades as something strong,
Something solid, icy steel.
But really she can’t hold the strain,
She buckles and she bends at will,
No substance there to hold her still.
I mentioned last night that I didn’t even get an interview for the teaching job that I went to, and of course, because it’s me, it’s been playing on my mind. Mainly because I take everything personally and so I think that they didn’t want to see me because they think I’m pathetic.
The sane part of my brain always tells me that it’s ridiculous. There is no way that they were all laughing at my application in the office or that they thought that I was evil, or just plain crap. But the irrational side of brain has other ideas.
Anyway, it has been playing on my mind and even the same part of my brain can’t seem to shake the one idea that scares me. The idea that I’m just weak. I’ve had anxiety issues for my entire life and it has meant that I’ve fallen down several times, in quite a spectacular way.
I also know that I have had no career to speak of, so far. All of the other people on my course have had really impressive careers and they will look fabulous on paper. Will the girl who has only worked at the local petrol station be any kind of competition?
That is what scares me; that feeling that I’m the weakest link and there is no way to change that.
I just have to hope and pray that a school will look past my rather unimpressive CV and give me a chance. I may have been weak in the past but this is where I prove that, under pressure, anyone can grow strong.
Much Love
Rachel xx
clcouch123
A qualified, enthusiastic teacher who is not perfect is precisely what is needed. I trust you’ll keep going.
patientandkindlove
Oh most definitely! I just need to get past the ‘on paper’ bit!
Tiffany Bryant
You are not the weakest link. Sometimes, the most qualified person doesn’t look that way on their resume, but that’s why cover letters and interviews exist. With your excellent writing skills, I bet you will be great at getting in the door, and then it’s just a matter of knowing how to navigate the interview. I read a book a while back that I loved called Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life. It helped me tremendously. I have a great job now that I was not at all qualified for but I talked my way into it. And I’m an anxious introvert, too! So highly recommend it. Also, I just wanted to say that I’ve been turned down for jobs before that seemed like they would have been perfect, and every time, I discovered later that they would have been really horrible for me for one reason or another. And then I landed in the perfect job for me and my family. We may not see all the angles, but God sure does! Maybe the job you applied for would have been really bad for your mental health and God was just looking out for you. Who knows, but there’s always something else out there! You are strong and awesome, so keep trying.
patientandkindlove
I will definitely take a look at that book. And I agree that we are pushed along in the direction that will make us happiest x
crispina kemp
Chill, my friend, chill. A bright personality, and determination, will get you a long-long way.
patientandkindlove
Let’s hope. Fingers crossed!
crispina kemp
🙂