competing with friends

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When friendships are built, brick by brick,

It’s hard to bulldoze through that wall

And feel those painful shards of block

Flying through the midnight air.

But when we’re on the starting line,

Stretching limbs and limbering up,

We know that losers roll in dust,

And wish they’d fought a harder fight

To bring a pretty life to light.

I put another application in for a job at a local school. I said a little prayer as I hit the SEND button and prepared myself to wait in silence. However, today I went to our central training day and the subject board tutor works at the the school where I applied.

It came to light that all three students who live in the town and have yet to secure a post have applied for this one role. And all of us have become friendly over the last term. And that makes me nervous.

Funnily enough, I think that I’m most worried about failing, rather than doing well and then feeling bad for the others afterwards. I’m so sure that these other girls are going to do an interview so much better than I ever could.

I know that they have had ‘proper’ jobs whereas I have spent my whole adult life working in retail (and not in a good management kind of way). I worry that they will take one look at my CV and just laugh me out of the process.

I am starting to realise that I lack a lot of confidence and I rarely think that I am worthy of anything good in my life. I just need to remember that once they have me at interview, anything on my CV becomes less important. I just need to show them that I’m good at what they want.

The point of this post is to point out that most of us are worthy of the good things that we want in life, if we are willing to put the work in. We tell ourselves over and over that we are rubbish, but really someone further back in our lives have told us that we are rubbish. My tip: don’t listen to them.

Much Love

Rachel xx

3 thoughts on “competing with friends

  1. crispina kemp

    100% behind you there.
    I know our parents and teachers never intended to do us harm, but fact remains they have built walls that delay us until we’ve learned either to dismantle or to climb over them. But it’s that effort to overcome that in the end strengthens us and make us worthy of our every success. (So I thank my mother for being a disheartening, disbelieving bitch! Well done, Mum, you must have known I needed those hurdles)

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