holding your nerve

man sitting on cliff
Photo by Alex Azabache on Pexels.com

It feels like balancing, right there

On the edge of cliffs that disappear

Into dark and stormy seas that crash

Against the rocks below.

But dicing with that deathly fear

Is part of living human life,

To wobble on the edge with arms outstretched,

Waiting for that gust of wind

To whip its way through feathered wings

And take me up in joyous flight.

I have been sitting here in my living room in quiet contemplation for two days now. After I got the email to say that the school I applied to didn’t even want to interview me, I felt a little bit flat. I didn’t want to feel flat, and I felt silly for feeling it, but feelings are funny in that way… impossible to control.

But as I’ve sat and thought about the way the chips have landed, I’m no longer sure that I was supposed to be at that school. The school that I am training at have said that if a position becomes available, I’m in. It’s not certain that the spot will open up, but if it does, I’m in.

So, I’ve had to sit here and make some decisions. Will I keep applying to schools I don’t even know if I want, or will I hold me nerve and wait and see if I get the job I really want?

It would be foolish to not think about other schools but I feel like I’m being pushed in one direction. I might be a hopeless romantic but I feel that our future is written in the stars. I’ve learnt not to struggle up river but to just let the current take me.

I’m going to wobble on the edge of my cliff for a few months, just to see what happens. I may be terribly disappointed, but I have a feeling I know what’s going to unfold.

Much Love

Rachel xx

7 thoughts on “holding your nerve

  1. Vic Crain

    Age and experience allows me to day this. The future is not in the stars. You are just a speck — an important speck but a speck — in a huge universe in which many things happen seemingly at random. You can’t control your future, as there are too many random elements involved, but you can try to steer it in a certain direction and prepare yourself to take advantage of opportunities, many unexpected, that will arise. It’s simply the way life works. And the first step in preparation is awareness.

  2. Greg Dennison

    That’s a tough one. I vote for keep applying, because you might end up finding something just as good, if not better, as where you are now. If you don’t, you’ll never know what might happen.

    1. patientandkindlove

      It’s so hard to decide what to do! I personally feel like it’s a bit too early anyway. If I got an interview I don’t feel like I’m in a place where I could impress. In a few months I think I would be in a better place. But, like you say, I also don’t want to miss out on something great!

  3. crispina kemp

    You could keep looking. See what’s coming up. If an area suits you, you could apply. Maybe there is another job you’re destined for. Not where you are now, but someplace else. And it’s yet to be advertised? Who knows? Keep the options open, is what I’d do

    1. patientandkindlove

      My eyes are open and scanning. My problem is that I’m shocking at interviews so I worry that I wouldn’t make the best impression. At least the school I’m training at know me well enough to see past that!

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