It feels like balancing, right there
On the edge of cliffs that disappear
Into dark and stormy seas that crash
Against the rocks below.
But dicing with that deathly fear
Is part of living human life,
To wobble on the edge with arms outstretched,
Waiting for that gust of wind
To whip its way through feathered wings
And take me up in joyous flight.
I have been sitting here in my living room in quiet contemplation for two days now. After I got the email to say that the school I applied to didn’t even want to interview me, I felt a little bit flat. I didn’t want to feel flat, and I felt silly for feeling it, but feelings are funny in that way… impossible to control.
But as I’ve sat and thought about the way the chips have landed, I’m no longer sure that I was supposed to be at that school. The school that I am training at have said that if a position becomes available, I’m in. It’s not certain that the spot will open up, but if it does, I’m in.
So, I’ve had to sit here and make some decisions. Will I keep applying to schools I don’t even know if I want, or will I hold me nerve and wait and see if I get the job I really want?
It would be foolish to not think about other schools but I feel like I’m being pushed in one direction. I might be a hopeless romantic but I feel that our future is written in the stars. I’ve learnt not to struggle up river but to just let the current take me.
I’m going to wobble on the edge of my cliff for a few months, just to see what happens. I may be terribly disappointed, but I have a feeling I know what’s going to unfold.