Those angry thoughts that gnaw and chew
Like rodents feasting on the scraps,
They creep and lurk on Christmas Eve
When love and cheer are in the air
And angry words will have no place,
So shut your mouth and just pretend
That everything is fine….
Since I’ve been an adult I’ve always struggled a bit on Christmas Eve. Nothing too dramatic, but I find a lot of my anxieties and resentments begin to bubble up to the surface.
I got married really young and when he left me and our son, I struggled on the first Christmas that we were alone. I couldn’t sleep on Christmas Eve because I was so angry. All I could think of was the great time that he would be having and how awful my day was going to be.
That resentment faded over the years but I’m finding that I have the same feelings about my mum these days. She chooses to not be in my life and the rejection hits me like a juggernaut at this time of year.
I wish that the TV would stop telling us what a perfect Christmas looks like, especially this year. I know that so many people will be alone, so my situation is actually pretty favourable; I am in no position to complain.
Christmas this year is going to be different and it may be pretty awful, but I think we all need to remember that the perfect day doesn’t exist. Those sleepless Christmas Eves have done me no favours, all they have done is made me tired and angry.
Enjoy your day tomorrow, whatever it may be looking like. If you’re fuming at somebody, put it aside for the day. Listen to music, eat, drink, watch cheesy movies. Just do the best you can.
9 thoughts on “christmas eve angst”
You are so right-there is no such thing as the perfect day. Hoping you experience joy through the struggle. <3
And you too. It’s a struggle for everyone but there are also so many fun and beautiful parts to even the most disastrous of days!
You offer good advice, based on real experience. I will probably spend Christmas day quietly and simply. I could think about bad Christmases in the past. I hope I don’t. I hope you don’t. But there’s a good chance we will.
Now is a gift. We–all of us, I think–tend to forget that and the meaning in that. And that joy could happen as well as anything else. I think as we get older, maybe we get to have more of a say in how it goes, how now goes.
I agree, we learn to live in the moment a little more. I think that I worry I’ll screw it up for everyone else though. That’s what I need to stop doing!
Beautiful words, supportive, encouraging. You are an angel… in the making. I hope your day went well.
I had a lovely day. I hope that your’s was good too. I know that it was a bit different for all of us!
My Xmas Day was the same as ever… maybe my daughter & I were a little bit crazier than usual. We certainly laughed lots!
Ah, laughter is better than any gifts or parties. I’m glad you guys had a lovely time.
& tomorrow (New Year’s day) we’re heading off on an 8-mile walk. Supposed to be a little warmer than today. Well, walking warms you