Those rooms with fronts of shiny glass,
Lit with spotlights on the slender mannequins,
They call us in with cash and cards
To fill our bags and little holes in gaping souls.
But when the virus crept inside
The doors were locked and lights turned down.
No more balm to soothe the loss
And now I see the need to have
Is stronger than the tidal flow.
When we went into the first lockdown I was really quite happy. I didn’t care that most of the shops were closed. Everything I needed could be bought in the supermarket, so what was the problem?
But this time around, I’m surprising myself. I seem to be missing the ability to go shopping, to buy stuff when I’m feeling low. I’m not a big spender so it’s only things like a new pair of jeans, some books and some wool for my crochet project; but it’s actually making feel quite anxious that I can’t get hold of these things.
I find myself going through town and looking through all of the windows at the mannequins wearing beautiful clothes and the desire to go in and try them on is so strong.
I think it’s a case of wanting what I can’t have. It seems to be a flaw in our human wiring that we need whatever is just out of reach. I suppose in some ways it’s what drives us forward to greater things, but when we can’t control the ‘problem’ it’s not the most pleasant of feelings.
I know that in a month or two the shops will slowly open. I just need to find other ways to entertain myself. Perhaps I’ll find a new passion for something? The little struggles in life are the things that make it awesome in the end, and not being able to buy wool in the colour that I want is pretty easy to get through.
Perspective is the key to getting through these grotty times like this. And when I get angry that I can’t get what I want immediately I need to let it out in healthy ways.
God, I sound like a spoiled brat, but I hope that there are other people out there who are missing shops and access to ‘stuff’ whenever we want it. We’ve grown accustomed to it and perhaps this will change the way a lot of us behave in the way that we buy stuff. That would be good.
Much Love
Rachel xx
Margot Kinberg
That’s a really interesting observation – wanting what we can’t have. I think we all go through that at times. In my case, I think it’s that, plus a bit of subconscious unease at the thought of not doing things the way I’ve always done them. Until last year, we could always just go to a shop if we needed something, go out to eat or meet friends, and so on. Not now. Re-arranging our lives is unsettling, and now that we can’t do what we’ve always done, we want to more than ever, if that makes sense.
patientandkindlove
I totally agree. It’s a routine that has been taken away from us and it’s going to take a bit of shuffling to get around it. It’s just weird when I realise it’s coming out like a tantrum. It’s bizarre how our minds process this stuff!
clcouch123
I haven’t gone into stories for a while except the grocery store. There, I get frustrated over not having what I use on the shelves and the general lack of anything with the name Lysol on it. But there is the pandemic, and I’m not a tactical hoarder. I do appreciate there being food at all plus household things. I’m glad you can window-shop, if you like. At present, I live in a small town near a larger city. In town, there are several shops; but their window displays rarely change.
crispina kemp
It’s not just shops, and it’s not just you. I’ve always been a loner, I’m happy with that, but because I know I’m not allowed to get close to anyone, I long for that. We’re social animals, we need hugs. NEED them. But unless you’re already set up with a partner or family, this is denied you. There are a lot of singles really hurting because of this.
patientandkindlove
I can imagine it’s really tough for people completely on their own. I know for a fact that a lot of people have gone out and bought pets during this time, just so that they can have that company!
crispina kemp
We are social animals, and a whole group of people are having that instinct denied. Solitary confinement, “sent to Coventry”, has always been used as a punishment. One wonders the long-term effects.