Their beady eyes look out,
Watching, a little judging too.
They do not move although I know
They hear my every word
Fraught with nervous energy.
I just got observed in my teaching today. It’s a normal thing as I have to be supervised in every lesson anyway. However, in this one I was observed by both my mentor and the SCITTCo at the school. The SCITTCo oversees all trainees who are placed at the school so she kinda feels like a big deal.
Now, we are teaching online, so it’s not even as though I have to teach with them taking notes in the back of the room. All I can see is their little staff photo in the corner of the screen, showing that they are present.
But in a way, it feels worse. They are unmoving and they just stare out at me. I can just imagine them scribbling horrible notes about me and wincing every time I stumble over my words.
Those little thumbnail pictures are in my nightmares at the moment. Their smiles are painted on to hide their disdain (at least that’s what my brain likes to tell me).
Anyway, if anyone else feels like they are sometimes having a psychotic episode when trying to converse online – I feel your pain. I just wanted to put that out there….
8 thoughts on “that feeling of being watched!!!”
I know exactly what you mean! Every time I’m observed, I get the same creepy feeling. Even when it’s someone I trust doing the observation, it’s no different.
I zero in on every sigh thinking that they are getting bored, or that I’ve said something really ridiculous. In reality, they are just exhaling!
The antidote for insanity is reality. Fact is, if everyone were to be observed 24×7, we would all starve to death. Fact is, AI isn’t that smart and consists primarily of keyword searches. Don’t use certain word combinations and you won’t make anyone’s radar screen. Fact is, you and I just aren’t that important. Just keep it simple and deal with facts.
Yep, there are always these scares that people in foreign countries are trying to steal our information, and I’m just left wondering how bored they must be trawling through my cat photos!
I nod. It’s not something I’ve experienced, but I can imagine. Memories of my assessor sitting at the back of the room, making notes. And wondering what the jig she’s writing
And they always keep such straight faces. It’s unnerving!
Sounds horrible. I hate teaching online, I can’t tell what’s going on with my students at all. It would be even worse to be observed doing it. Especially as I know how terrible I am in online workshops – I always claim poor bandwidth and turn my camera off and pull faces.
That’s brilliant. I have students that mysteriously lose connection as soon as they are asked a question.