when you realise you’ve refreshed your emails twenty times in five minutes

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Refresh, refresh,

That little rounded curve, an arrow of the kindest hope

But really there is nothing that it offers

Other than the feeling of a broken heart.

All that comes up to the top is adverts

For a holiday at half price rate and dodgy pills

That claim to make my life all shiny new

And ready for the Instagram.

But as I press it once again, my heart will sink

As I know deep down that I’m not good enough,

That email will just never come.

I’m waiting for an email for a job that I applied for. I have seen that the interviews are on the first Monday back after half term, so I know that I really need to hear from them today for me to know that they’re giving me a shot.

So, like a good little anxious jelly bean, I have been sitting here refreshing my emails over and over and over. I have been in this state of unrest so many times before and I know that almost everyone in the world must be the same.

Gone are the days when there was one post that arrived in the morning, delivered by the friendly postman. Now we can get news at any time of the day or night and it is down to us to stay alert and watch out for it. Or that’s what it feels like, when you are waiting impatiently for the news.

Unfortunately, I have learnt to not get hopes up, so I’m not going to crush myself if this news never comes. It would be nice to know either way though. So, on that note, I’ll sign off and go back to refreshing my email every thirty seconds!

Much Love

Rachel xx

6 thoughts on “when you realise you’ve refreshed your emails twenty times in five minutes

  1. Margot Kinberg

    I know exactly how you feel. I’m waiting for job news of my own at the moment, and I am becoming way too obsessed with my email because of it. Things will happen in their own time – they will – but it’s hard to let go and let things play out, isn’t it?

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