on being a control freak, when you didn’t even realise you were one

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It grips my brain with craggy nails,

Dragging sharp and painful lines

And causing headaches, twisted organs

Wanting just a little light relief,

A clue, a prompt, anything to grasp

To help me find my way.

I have my interview in the morning and I am stressing. I would normally be flapping and making a fuss, but I’m even worse tonight because I have been told that I have a curriculum based activity to do, and I don’t know what it is.

I thought that I would be planning a lesson, but if that was the case, I would have been given the task ahead of time so that I could actually plan it. The Acting Head Teacher emailed me and told me to send him a message if I don’t have an email outlining the task before 9am in the morning. But the interview is at 9am!

I feel like I have no control and I it’s giving me chest pains, and I also need to calm down. I didn’t realise how much of a control freak I was, but I am now seeing that I need everything to be my way. I don’t get angry if they are not, but I panic.

People always say that control freaks are aggressive and angry, so that is why I never thought that I was like that. But I guess you can react in all sorts of ways and I’m showing that blind panic is one of those reactions.

Much Love

Rachel xx

3 thoughts on “on being a control freak, when you didn’t even realise you were one

  1. Margot Kinberg

    I think we all like to feel we have some control over things. It’s very scary to feel as though we don’t. You’ll do a fantastic job, though, because you’re smart, you have experience, you have creative ideas, and you want the position. So, they’ll ask you questions and you’ll answer honestly. That part you can control.

  2. clcouch123

    If you are a control freak, I don’t know. And from this, I can’t think so. You have an appointment at 9 at which you are to realize material that is also due by 9. I say, if I may, that the apprehension is reasonable. I can and do hope that all goes well.

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