my shell has been cracked

broken eggshells on a yellow background
Photo by Anna Shvets on

It started as a hairline fracture

Spreading through the fragile shell

While all around would hold their breath

Unsure if the crack would hold

Or if the innards would spill out

In an ugly mess.

I sometimes feel a bit like an egg and once someone has chipped away at the shell for long enough, there’s no putting it back together. It sometimes feels like the dam has been broken and no matter how many bucket loads of water I try to send back, the damage is done.

This week I’ve had several bad things happen. Nothing really terrible, but it’s just a bit like I’ve been chipped away at and my shell finally broke for real today. I was left to teach on my own with no warning several times and now when the kids aren’t handing in work I’m getting an earful from the Head of Department.

I ended up crying for most of the afternoon and having to mute myself between sobs while I taught. Normally, I’d have been able to handle it but that chipping away got too much.

I think that tonight calls for a good book and an abundance of custard creams while I piece my shell back together and make myself strong again.

Much Love

Rachel xx

7 thoughts on “my shell has been cracked

  1. Margot Kinberg

    Sending you caring thoughts and wishes. Some days are just awful like that, aren’t they? And you don’t feel you’ll ever put yourself together again. You will, though, and I think you’re doing the right thing to take care of yourself. Please don’t let others dictate how you should about yourself.

  2. clcouch123

    I don’t know what custard cremes are, but I hope there was an abundance. And a good book, always a solid move. Ever since I got heart disease, handling stress has become an extraordinary issue. Often I move back from life out there to try to take care of what’s happening in there. I applaud your choices.

  3. crispina kemp

    You know Humpty Dumpty wasn’t an egg. You can put yourself back together again. These are hard times for everyone, issues that might otherwise be handled, can become overwhelming. Wish you well with the repairs

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